Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Kenny Chesney

Annulments have a fraud box you can check because an oopsy box doesn't exist.  Most people use that option.  So why did people and the media jump to Kenny Chesney's sexual preference when he and Renee Zellweger got an annulment after their brief marriage?

I am sick of everything about a person being boiled down to a person's sex life.  Unless someone wants to talk about it, its their business.  Kenny is an amazing story teller and he emotes a truth from the heart that moves me.  That's all that matters. 

When the kids and I moved out to the country we lived a very quiet life.  I wasn't dating.  Wasn't interested.  We were enjoying life and I didn't want to take a chance on bringing another man into my children's life.  Into mine either for that matter.  I was still recovering from my divorce.  After four years I did start seeing someone and I'll never forget going to the fruit stand and the lady I knew there asked me about it and I said yes, we were seeing each other and she said, "Thank God!  We all thought you were gay!"  I was taken aback.  My first thought was, if I was, why would you care?  And if I was, I sure as hell wouldn't be ashamed about it.  And then I thought, why is my sex life or lack thereof any of your business?  People must be really bored to speculate about some one's sex life. 

What hit me at this time was how much things had changed in the past twenty years.  It used to be if you were single or if you had a friend you were single or you had a friend.  But with TV and movies getting all sexed up about everything that had changed.  Now if you are seen with someone it is assumed you are having sex with them.

I remember feeling a sense of tension when I was being friendly and just said hello, which is what used to be a polite thing to do.  When I said this to a male I often got the feeling that they were thinking I wanted to be with them.  Like, saying a friendly hello in return would encourage me to want to be with them in a romantic way.  One day I put a ring on my wedding ring finger because I missed wearing it and that's the finger it fit on.  And I noticed when I said, "Hey," after that it was okay.  People were at ease.  Either because a husband validated my existence so I must be worthwhile and not crazy or because they figured if somebody else could be married to me I already had somebody.  I don't know why but all I know is that people reacted more naturally to me and friendlier.  I still wear a ring (not a wedding ring) on that finger. And while I enjoy the ease people seem to have around me when I wear it that isn't the reason I wear it there.  I wear it there because I like the ring and that's the finger it fits on.  Some times what people do and say is just that simple.

I remember hearing rumors about me in high school.  One was that I had sex with some boy.  Which was interesting since I was a virgin and while the boy did come over to my house once, he and my Mom and I sat in the living room and talked and we never had a sexual relationship of any kind, that night or at any other time.  Later I heard I was gay.  And I thought about it.  Nope, I wasn't sexually attracted to women.  I was attracted to men.  And then I thought, where do people come up with this crap?  And why?  The funny part about it is, if I was gay, I would be totally okay with it.  I have learned that what people are on the inside, who they are and how they treat others and approach life is what I appreciate most.  When a person is kind and compassionate and honest and loving I like that.  I don't care about the outside or their gender.  Those are the qualities I admire and love. I am completely comfortable having friends and not having sex with them.  What bothers me about this American obsession with other people's sex life is that it is shallow as hell, nobody's business and puts a person on the defensive about their own sex life.  It's like there is an assumption being made and there is no way of knowing where or when or who started the rumor it is based on.  And no telling when you will meet someone who looks at you in that way, like they know something about you, you don't know yourself.

I decided a long time ago that if a person was judging me and they didn't know me directly, I didn't give a shit about what they thought.  They were clearly going to think what they wanted anyway.  And I had no interest whatsoever in being friends with someone who did that, to me or anybody else.

So what's up America?  Why the obsession with sex in every damn relationship?  I have had tons of friends in my lifetime and I never had sex with them.  Just because you love someone and spend time with them and you are close that doesn't mean you are having sex with them.  And just because you choose not to have sex with anybody that doesn't mean you are gay.   Honestly, gender means less to me as I get older. 

People used to say, after my second divorce, don't worry, you'll meet someone.  And I'd say, I don't want to meet someone.  I'd rather have a room mate that is a friend than get involved with anyone.  It's like my life couldn't possibly have value all on its own unless someone else validated me.  I remember feeling like having a T-shirt printed up saying, "I don't want your money, your boyfriend, your girlfriend or a favor, I'm just saying, "Hi," and being friendly, being polite.

Getting back to Kenny Chesney.

He sings country music and his voice takes you into a time of life with such authenticity that whether he is singing, "I Can't Go There," or One Step Up, a Bruce Springsteen song; Kenny makes it all his own.  Because you feel that it is.

Kenny Chesney ~ I Can't Go There

Kenny Chesney ~ One Step Up - right between the eyes

Bruce ~ One Step Up
Breaks my heart every time I hear it.

Kenny keeping it real, from the heart...

His album, "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem," kicks.  And Kenny Chesney is a wonderful artist.

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