Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Muse Anyone?

For a season really, the whole winter, my creative work has been intense and sparse. I keep coming back to the word isolation. I feel so isolated. And I keep thinking that the lack of stimulation has stunted my work. Most of this is brought on by high gas prices, high prices for museums and parking and being afraid of getting a parking ticket in the city. I used to really enjoy being able to go into Chicago to a free concert or a museum on a free day. Being an artist who doesn't have access to many resources; that element of the equation was crucial to finding exposure to things and histories and art.

It has been years of this stagnation. One that has been wonderfully eased by friends online. But one that hasn't been able to sustain me enough to skootch me over into that wonderful creative mindset that keeps the brush going and the writings flowing.

I saw a movie called, "Where the Wild Things Are." And I loved these woven wood sculptures in the film. So I decided I wanted to build one this spring.

At the height of my frustrations with - every damn fucking thing I touched - I turned my back on all of it, literally. And I went outside and started to cut branches from a felled tree. And started to trim out and sort the branches and slowly came up with the concepts for this woven wood sculpture.

Though I was enjoying the physical activity of building and preparing for the construction of the sculpture I also felt like I was cheating. Like there were two loves that I had become disillusioned by, in and with.

The reasons have nothing to do with being recognized as an artist or writer. Or of any financial rewards. I think the reasons for my dulling has been a lack of stimulation that doesn't come from me. An energy that feeds me rather than depletes my creative processes. I've found that after I visit with my family or a friend this gets loosened. But even this hasn't been enough to keep me afloat.

So this dilemma, how do I solve it? Being all about empowerment and not about being a victim; I press on. I think the garden and watching things grow and nature and some warm weather is going to be a part of it. And I think another crucial part of finding a balance during this time is to let go and get out of the house and get away from what I am doing and take a break and not have an aim and just be. It snuck up on me today and I had the most wonderful day with the canvas, Flow.

I think I expect to accomplish too much in a day. And this has been like a sinkhole for my free flowing thought.
So that's what I've been thinking about.

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