Saturday, August 20, 2011

But Is It Good Enough?

I got to wondering if what we think is our best, is ever good enough?

There is always going to be some one else who has higher standards or expectations of how you should live and what you should do. Always. As sure as there is always going to be someone who has more than you and someone who has less.

I have long since stopped allowing these standards to keep me from appreciating life and feeling joy. Because most of these are self-emposed.

And I decided I wasn't interested in living up to one's low expectations of who I was or what I could do or even, if any of it was worth anything to anyone. All of this thinking is making me woozy.

Nevertheless, I could have a heart attack and keel over at this desk and what will it have all been worth? Will my life have been worthwhile to anyone? Well, gladly, the answer is yes. To my family every bit of our lives has been a worthwhile gift that we have shared together. And to me? Well, it got a lot more interesting when I became truly engaged in it. Oh this was a process. It took most of my life to understand. And there is still so much yet to know.

But have I learned anything worth passing on? And I think, there have always been great thinkers, great writers and artists and musicians. Life is like this moving sea. It is always moving. All around and through us. So if I have lived to my best hope for this moment, for this day, than this life has been worthwhile to me. This whole great big life and my tiny interaction with it has been wonderfully worthwhile.

And this is why I keep painting and writing. It is my life and the way I life it and express all that I think and feel and see. And it may not ever matter in the great scheme of things. But it matters to the people I love. And I enjoy the peace and quiet best. The being able to rest in a moment and create some thing that wasn't there before. And I truly love that.

I have been writing off and on all day. And finishing up what I thought was a finished painting. Now I love her and I will no longer try to improve her with one more stroke. I take better pictures until I get one that has good color and the right light on it. But here it is....

Yes, my life is pretty solitary and I like it that way. I find great friendship with these trees outside my window. I think they have always given me comfort though the windows have changed.

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