Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Ray Charles and This World

Listening to Ray Charles today
all day
that's it
just Ray Charles Ray Charles Ray Charles.

Ribbons is finished but I still don't think the title is right. When I looked over my canvas just now and saw it on the easel, against the back wall, I thought.... disturbance. Yeah, that feels right. I'll call it disturbance. I'll add a picture later.

Right now I'm zoned in on Gift Giver.

I'm zeroing in on three canvases that I've been working on for either several months or nearly a year. I get tunnel vision when I get to a certain point with a canvas. I go from dark to light to layers to thick paint, whatever. It doesn't have to make sense. I just feel it. And really, I can. I'm an artist. I create new worlds and depict different perspectives of reality. That's what I do. That's what I love to do.
It's cool.
The world doesn't always make sense either
I consider it a
fair trade.

I mean really
this world....

Is pretty confusing

through the passing of time
and just thinking about life
I've realized
that things don't always make sense.

Knowing that there are an infinite
number of universes and galaxies out there
And knowing that in some way the rhythms of life
are continual and move all of this stuff around
has relieved the urgency I used to feel
back when I thought I would do better
if I understood more.

After some time passed
I realized that
I am never going to know where it all began
or know the purpose of all of creation
maybe there is no purpose
how do I know?

After all those questions,
horizontally prone,
on the foundations of
my wondering....
depended on one vary specific

that there is a beginning, a middle and an end

But maybe everything really is connected
and moving independently
and cohesively all of the time
and now
in this precious stirring
is the only thing we ever can know.

Maybe that is how all of this life stuff flows
I mean just because we think all existence is finite
that doesn't make it so.

I've gotten to a point where I no longer feel
I need to provide proofs or apologetics
or equations to back up some hidden secret anymore.

It's amazing how many moments we can waste
in imaginations and fabrications.

I mean I have seen....
in my lifetime people
and heard stories about
life in my mother's day and
in the olden days of my grandparents
and great-grandparents
and I've read history books and watched documentaries
and I know there have been times
when people thought they knew everything
and they had all of the answers
and they were wrong.

Wars have been fought and devastation has been wrought all over this planet over ideas....beliefs about why we are here and how we got here.
We have created a toxic camping ground on this beautiful planet we rely on for our existence so we could have more and go faster.
People have offered sanctuary and guidance to an all encompassing peace in the name of some one truth.
But is that really possible?

Could our brains really hold onto it if there was one singular answer? How could we presume to know that everything boils down to one truth. The everything in all of the abyss would boil down to a one sentence of truth we could all understand and proclaim in harmony?

It's so absurd it's hard to think I ever get stuck trying to figure
all of this shit out.

I accept my limitations now. I am a human be'ing.

I can live mindfully and care for nature
and observe and learn and pass along a thing or two
and I can appreciate the whole deal
and I can live a purposeful life
and I don't have to
know why
or have somebody tell me why

I can just choose to be this way
or not
because yes, I am human

it's only natural
it seems to be an integral part
of the human experience
to want answers to
what was that?
where'd it go?
and of course
how do I get that?

I'm so glad I decided
to accept
that I don't have to know everything

Once I figured out
that my expectations about life
were unattainable
I figured
it was okay to
and just all right to
change them
and get more in the real range

my grandma once told me
a tornado blew so hard
that a long piece of straw
went right into a big old oak tree
on their farm

Today I picked up some sticks in the yard
from that tornado that came by
and I was surprised to find
some of those skinny branches
were burrowed a few inches
into the dense ancient clay bog
my house rests upon.

we can go with the flow
everything does
the only time things change
is when more mass with more intensity
moving in the same direction
causes things to move
out'tha way

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