tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44005826503090352862024-03-05T16:27:46.152-08:00Jenn WeinshenkerI enjoy bringing together music, writings and research about topics that I find interesting. I like to share images of my artwork and write about what inspires me. Telling stories about Coco, my Akita Service Dog is one of my favorite things to do. And now and then, I write about what it is like to go through life with a Traumatic Brain Injury and PTSD. These are the breadcrumbs that lead me back to a frame of mind or concept that would otherwise be forgotten.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.comBlogger406125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-60831559049568185682019-12-27T07:24:00.003-08:002019-12-28T06:47:49.717-08:00Grasping and Being Here Now, Dear Baba Ram DassMoving back to my beloved Michigan,and the year of preparation to sell the house and then move into my new home and unpacking took a toll on me. The soft tissue weakness from an accident that occured 25 years was giving me some trouble, yes. And taught me a great lesson.<br />
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A dear friend of so many, Baba Ram Dass passed on recently. I was just gathering my thoughts to write about life and suffering and freedom while he was already preparing for his journey.<br />
<br />
There is something lovely and long lasting when we meet people who are well, who they are. To have clear discussions about life, simply, is a beautiful thing. I have had such discussions with several people in my life. And they remain in my heart and mind.<br />
<br />
Years ago one of my dearest companions, Bear, an Akita and caretaker of my soul, passed. And the grieving I felt was so intense that I would awaken in the wee hours, sobbing, uncontrollably. I have wept for the loss of a loved one or dear animal friend before. But this was gut wrenching. Like a child I called out his name, Bear, I just want you back. All of my beliefs about life disintegrated in grief.<br />
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And then one day, I may have been watching an old movie or just thinking of one.... its too long ago now. And it was a movie that took place in WWII. And a lover wrote to her love who had written to her as well. Their letters crossed. And even though he had died on the battlefield, for a time their love were carrying them through another day. And I thought, I am going to try an experiment. I am going to tell myself, even in knowing the truth, that when I think about Bear I will pretend that he is just in the backyard. And I would feel that he was still alive and love him.<br />
<br />
And then one day I had a thought, an epiphany really. I can keep on loving even though the one I love is gone. For love is a powerful thing and it never dies. It always lives in us and through us.<br />
<br />
I thought of my grandparents, and loved them, I thought of Chogyam and loved him and now I think of Ram Dass and I love him. I don't miss anyone anymore. Because all of their love and their teachings and with some, even friendship, will continue to live on.<br />
<br />
A letter I meant to write but was still percolating in my mind and heart, was waiting to be written.<br />
<br />
Now it is written to the ether without any expectation that it will be read. It is just for my soul to express.<br />
<br />
For months after the move I kept trying to unpack and take care of my house but I was in so much pain I could barely hold onto my sanity. Not always. Usually, at night. Even a sheet on my legs and feet and pulling the sheet over me, my wrists had become so weak that I could barely cover myself. Then I would have a good day. But soon I was back in trouble, in pain. And then I realized, I had to stop everything. I was not allowing my body to hear. I was continually tearing that soft tissue that was trying so hard to hold my body together. Yes, I decided to stop. I stopped striving to finish unpacking. I stopped everything. It was so hard to do as next to nothing as I possibly could. I stopped writing and painting and going for walks. I have my body time to heal. I am still doing very little but I a little writing is fine.<br />
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I stopped grieving for the life I used to have. For my health. And then something wonderful happened. Thoughts and feelings that I thought were completely disconnected came together. Love was all I could give. My efforts of any other kind were futile. So I let my efforts go.<br />
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My companion and Service Dog, Coco, another Akita and an amazing friend was aging. My new Service Dog and another Akita, is on the job, though Coco still takes care of me. But I can see her failing. For the past two or so years I have been grieving for her and all the while she is right here, now.<br />
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And I realized that all of the pain and suffering I had been going through was in part of my own doing. Yes, it was true that Coco's health is failing. As is mine. I didn't realize that I had stopped playing with her. I hold her close to me and loved her of course but I was so worried about her I forgot to have fun, to bring love and joy back into our days. And she is smiling, we are smiling again. And instead of grasping ahold of sadness and change I let it go.<br />
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Ram Dass, I thought you would get such a kick out of this. For so long I have struggled with suffering. From the injuries of the accident 25 years ago and from heartache and love lost. And all of the meditating and living in the moment and loving and going on with life was not enough because instead of grasping the beauty of life, I was grasping suffering and wounds of my past. And then something wonderful happened. I loved those who had long sense left and continued to love them. I loved my two ex-husbands. One of which who had passed years ago, unbeknownst to me. And I thought, I loved these men. Honestly and truly with all of my heart. What they did with that had nothing to do with me. The pain I felt was gone. It disappeared in the ether. And I was free to love them. And I could breathe. Most of my life I have had wonderful relationships with people. Only a few were painful. Now, who did what to whom no longer mattered. Love was and is all I feel. I am grateful for the loves I have felt.<br />
<br />
I am healing physically. My daughter had been an incredible help. And my son came to visit and he stepped in and helped hang a huge painting neither one of us could lift and hang anymore. We had visits and meaningful talks and love and all is good. I am so grateful to be alive today. So grateful to love and grow and also free to let go. I am not afraid of what I will lose. The freedom is exhilarating, yes. <br />
<br />Jenn Weinshenkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04186135721277467810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-3073996269278018622018-12-14T15:12:00.001-08:002019-12-28T06:40:11.110-08:00HopeOver the past 24 years science has come a long way. We have all come a long way together. My children are grown and they and their loves, fill my heart with joy everyday. All of the friends I have here, Akita people, artists and folks, have all been a part of this journey. And I remembered something that happened that was truly life changing. The first painting I worked on with my Neuropsychiatrist spoke to me. My therapist encouraged me to find something that would help me to get started. An object in the house would be good. I chose the Menorah. I took it out of our own oak hutch and used that for inspiration. I worked on it a little and it took about a year to paint. I had no idea what it meant. And then one day, I was standing there and a little bit of that wonderful magic gave me an awareness. It really had been the story of my life for the past year.<br />
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This is called, "Hope." I painted it while in deep despair. The last thing I felt while I was painting this piece was hope. I wondered what to call it. And then all of the sudden, while standing back and looking at it, an epiphany popped into my consciousness. The candles became smoke stacks. The ground beneath them became burial mounds. An eye appeared in the blue sky and the burning fire became a burning bush, to me. the souls in the mountains were in the land and sea and the earth became this muscular embrace. And all of the sudden I felt hope. A kind of hope I had never understood before. At first I thought, God must have so much faith in us, so much hope in us to keep us alive after all of the damage we had done to all He had created. And then I thought whatever God is to us, whatever the energy or power there is here, in our lives and our history, Hope must certainly be the strongest, most life giving and essential motivations for us to continue. Love and Hope, they are pretty important.<br />
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And then it hit me. I could choose to have hope. I could choose to see the good in people. I could choose to have a good and fulfilling life and give whatever I could to my family and hope that would be good enough. And my whole perspective changed. I was looking at life for what I expected to see there. I was just being. And appreciating all of it. The heartache, the ignorance, the ignorance.... yes it deserves to be said at least twice. And I realized something. Regardless, whether people get it or not, care for this planet or not, decide to stop killing each other and destroying the planet or not, I am living today. And I choose to Hope. I choose to Love. I choose to love life. To love nature. To love this day. To love without expectations. I choose to have Hope. I could continue to live in despair. I would take as many breaths I figure. But I thought.... Hope, it is pretty sweet stuff. And I decided to partner up with Hope and Love and keep on truckin. We look around us now and wonder what is going to happen. We don't know but there are times when it looks pretty bad. When we focus on love and hope we begin to feel empowered by all of the possibilities we can share.
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Life is good. I hope you have an inspired day.
<br />
Oh and Hey Chogyam<br />
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beat for beat<br />
<br />
This understanding of life is a revelation
<br />
all simple<br />
<br />
all right here to be seen
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all ways
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Love with clarity is a powerful thing
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it has no end
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feathers drifting in the wind speak to me
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isn't flight a kickJenn Weinshenkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04186135721277467810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-27787590892403582712018-11-30T10:07:00.000-08:002018-12-03T20:42:53.781-08:00Traumatic Brain Injury and the TerrorsIn 1994 a car came speeding around a curve and hit us head on going about 80 mph.<br />
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Close Call</div>
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The doctors didn't know much about Traumatic Brain Injuries back then. Most people didn't survive them. Tests that can now quantify injuries didn't exist back then. Recently, I was at a train station and a very long and loud, fast and bright train went by my Service Dog, Kumo and me. I fell down full force on the ground and into the wall and at that point I was told to get to the hospital.<br />
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While the Neurosurgeon was explaining about my concussion and how I needed to be careful. She said and we saw the amount of shrinkage we would expect to see from someone who has brain injured like you. I said what? Wait. She explained that the areas of my brain that were not functioning anymore, they atrophied. I can't even express what seeing that area of my brain being a deadzone did to me.<br />
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At first I was devastated. I was numb. Quietly, the hopes that had been sitting on my shoulder for the past 24 years; that one day I would wake up and I would be all better, were dashed. I went to sleep pretty shook up. And then in the morning I realized something wonderful<br />
I was<br />
as is<br />
true<br />
but there was a comfort in understanding just what that meant. And to be able to accept life as it is too. And to be able to<br />
<br />
I took all of my doctors advice and after several months of Physical Therapy and Speech Therapy and a my intuitive and brilliant Neuropsychologist and a genius neuro-optometrist who is amazing, my life started to improve!!!! He made me some prism glasses. Now the blind areas that used to cause so much fatigue, dizziness and confusion have become manageable. My brain was constantly creating what it thought should be in those empty spaces which took its toll on me.<br />
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Turns out, the sonic blast from the train going by and the station wall blocking that air from moving through behind us gave me a concussion and recovery was going to take some time. I was in trouble. Maybe permanently. I was so close to losing my sense of self and being one of those people who just sat in a chair and stared out the window. <br />
<br />
Now that my mind and emotions have calmed down, I want to write about it. In case I forget, I can read it later and remember.<br />
<br />
Inspired by a recent Baba Ram Dass postI began to realize<br />
that I was spending a lot of time<br />
connected to what had happened to me in the past<br />
and I realized<br />
The reality was that My Traumatic Brain Injury.<br />
Wasn't just mine<br />
It was ours<br />
<br />
The concussion was also ours. My grown children, my family, their loves and my dearest friends all have gone through this brain injury and concussion stuff together.<br />
It's funny, how life is<br />
when we keep our minds open<br />
our teachers will leave us with precious jewels of inspiration and understanding in all kinds of ways.<br />
<br />
There is a program on NetFlix called Queer Eye. The brilliant cast<br />
gotta drop some names<br />
Antoni Porowski, Tan France, Karamo Brown, Bobby Berk and Jonathan Van Ness<br />
I started watching it and watched it again<br />
I watched the next episode and watched it again<br />
It was beautiful to see people loving each other for who they are<br />
for their compassionate hearts and creative genius<br />
And then one episode got me<br />
Karamo was helping someone to overcome his fear<br />
I remember how strong this hit me<br />
How vulnerable and wrapped up in fear I have been since the accident<br />
25 years and I have been mummified<br />
the joys and spontaneity of life had diminished<br />
After the second concussion<br />
which happened this year<br />
took its toll<br />
I nearly lost that sense of self<br />
I did lose it for awhile<br />
and this more than any other injury<br />
caused me the greatest concern<br />
once I could think about it<br />
and I realized how close I came to being one of those people<br />
that sits in a chair<br />
looking out<br />
muted and non<br />
reactive to life<br />
and yeah<br />
that scared the hell out of me<br />
<br />
I listened to all of my doctors and we were making some headway. And then this wonderful man was on the screen and helping someone who had been tied up in frear spoke to my heart<br />
though we had never met each other<br />
this man had been that person<br />
Many times in my life I had thought when the student is ready<br />
the teacher will appear<br />
in all sorts of ways<br />
well my defences were down<br />
and I wasn't expecting it but WOW<br />
it hit me<br />
I don't have to be afraid anymore<br />
I can let it go<br />
I can be free to be who I am<br />
<br />
I cried my eyes out at the next part<br />
Karamo shared his thoughts on being able to be who he was around his family<br />
with everyone<br />
everywhere<br />
and how liberating that was and how important family was<br />
and my family is amazing<br />
my children and those they love<br />
bring sheer joy into my heart everyday<br />
But I was holding back<br />
I was still trying to be the strong one<br />
to make sure they were taken care of and knew I would take care of them<br />
when they were young<br />
and to know how to get through difficulties and setbacks<br />
in all the ways<br />
and mend<br />
and I wasn't sharing any of that part of me with my children.<br />
<br />
not really<br />
<br />
I opened up to them and it has been so beautiful<br />
I don't have to be stronger than I am<br />
I can talk about what is hard for me to do<br />
and what I am afraid of<br />
and we can all be real with each other<br />
on another wonderful level<br />
The kids came up with great ideas for me when I was feeling<br />
stressed and confused<br />
and they could share their stuff and we are all supportive of each other<br />
each making their own decisions about their own lives<br />
and each taking responsibility for the own lives<br />
and yet<br />
all appreciating the freedom of being<br />
here<br />
now<br />
<br />
What a great gift these complete strangers gave to me this year.<br />
How cool is that<br />
<br />
Here is love<br />
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Sisters</div>
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<br />Jenn Weinshenkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04186135721277467810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-11236432498256881732018-11-08T07:03:00.003-08:002018-12-14T15:13:37.257-08:00Election Results 2018<div class="_1dwg _1w_m _q7o" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; padding: 12px 12px 0px;">
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The kids and I were talking about the election and America and changes and I watched a Trae Crowder video about the election and then listened to something Nancy Pelosi said and all of the sudden my own thoughts and ideas and those of others came together in something I have never really put into words before.</div>
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The reason we need to have an inclusive government is that we the people do have different points of view. Our cultural experiences and beliefs and traditions and knowledge and love and delicious recipes and celebrations. When we share our traditions and thoughts and humanity with each other hatred falls away and understanding and empathy grows.</div>
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There are so many groups of people who point the the person or group of people and say.... its their fault my life is shit. And some of that to some extent is true. But even when it is true, it doesn't change anything. The only time our lives change is when we decide to take responsibility for our own life. When we take a good look and say, what can I do next to get me closer to living the life I want to live.</div>
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If only one group of people is deciding what a good life is and how much we earn to live what we the people consider to be a good life then the predominant group is making uninformed decisions. It is still a slave or oppressive or conqueror mentality. This is where so much hatred festers away at the beauty of the type of people we can be.</div>
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It is crucial for us to care of each other and our environment. There is no planet B. If we don't stop polluting the planet and drying up its natural waterways and stop cutting down forests; we will suffer the consequences. But no-one is talking about this because the big moneyed oil and gas folks are greedy takers. Are there good people working for these companies? Of course there are. But those people who can talk intelligently about the possible repercussions of depleting our natural resources aren't even sitting at the same table.</div>
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Once our natural resources are gone, that's it. We need to consider that maybe, just maybe, our natural resources do not belong to companies or corporations or countries to exploit. We need to care for them and protect them. We can own a piece of land but we should be taking care of it instead of polluting it. But how do we get there when we don't even have reasonable discussions about these issues? We get there by listening and being willing to explore the best ways for the planet and for each other to survive and thrive.</div>
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If only men are making the decisions about what a woman can decide for herself about her own body, then that is still the slave/master mentality that used the buy and sell women like possessions, in order to increase their wealth. We need women to give their own opinions about these things so reasonable approaches to solving problems can be implemented.</div>
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There are so many of us with differing opinions on just about everything. Over the holidays you will find this to be true during your family dinners.</div>
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We have great potential to work together and come up with reasonable solutions to the problems we face. Superstition and extremism won't get us anywhere.</div>
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If we share our thoughts and perspectives we can come up with creative and innovative ways to live symbiotically with this beautiful planet and each other. We need to honor each other and listen, really listen to each other and then come up with reasonable approaches to problem solving that make sense.</div>
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It's important.</div>
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Jenn Weinshenkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04186135721277467810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-1837574470637187732018-02-16T11:20:00.003-08:002018-02-16T11:51:10.687-08:00What the Hell do I KnowI couldn't sleep last night. What little rest I did have was unsettled at best.<br />
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There was another mass shooting at a school on Valentine's Day by a white supremacist. 17 people, students, teachers, tutors, were murdered. </div>
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Facebook was filled with chatter. It is a terrible thing. It is a gun problem. It is a people problem. It is a problem. It never happened....</div>
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And I find myself feeling sick. Our country has always been made up of individuals who thought differently about all kinds of things. Sometimes we kept our thoughts to ourselves and sometimes we shared them. I have stood in marches and been gassed by tear gas... in America. And my heart ached for our country. For the hatred and prejudice that permeated our society. And my heart was touched so deeply when we swayed and loved each other, though we were complete strangers. We stood together and arm in arm faced the spital and hatred, "America! Love it or leave it!!" What did that even mean? All of this because we wanted to everyone to be able to vote so everyone was fairly represented by those elected in our government. It didn't seem like it should be that landshaking of a concept but it sure as hell was.</div>
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I've felt the shaking of all that stood strong when the Cuban Missile Crisis took place in Florida, where we were living at the time. I remember the sonic booms shaking the house and the tanks and carriers in the air and on the ground and sea bringing all manner of weapons of mass destruction through our neighborhood and sitting in our closet in the darkness, listening to a transistor radio and being prepared to duck and cover ourselves into oblivion without even understanding what the hell was going on. A few years later we moved to the Chicago area and I remember reading that we now had enough weapons to kill everyone and everything on the planet over 300 times and I remember thinking, stop. Just stop it. I remember thinking we could build through change. We didn't have to keep knocking people down or off the planet because somebody said they were different and they had to go.</div>
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It was then, when Martin, John and Bobby and Malcolm X and Russell Means awakening all of us to the possibility that maybe, just maybe we could all learn how to respect each other and live in peace with one another. </div>
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I remember that horrendous war, the Viet Nam"conflict" and organizing and marching for peace in Chicago. I remember the billy clubs and running, just running, gas pouring into the air, clouds of gray and pain.</div>
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All we wanted</div>
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was to give peace a chance</div>
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Let's try going in a new direction. How's about people can't be drafted into a war on foreign soil? How's about giving people the choice as to whether or not they want to support a war. Or conflict or whatever. This? Was revolutionary? </div>
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<br /></div>
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The flag and God was the weapon of choice to try to silence us; the press did its part to make us look like fanatics but the truth was we were all kinds of people that understood that when you can blow up the planet maybe it is time to take another look at how we can resolve our differences and learn to genuinely respect and value each other and this planet, our Mother. Every bit of what we create is dependent on our planet. Everything. </div>
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And there is a Cause and Effect to everything. Everything.</div>
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Being reckless with our planet and its finite resources is folly. The worst kind. </div>
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Corporations, businesses and we have polluted this planet. I mean big time. And the focus on our country is on a buffoon.</div>
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We have some serious work to do. And to solve these problems we have the most amazing to join together and work together. We need science and humanitarians and builders and occasional sceptics too. We need communicators and creative people to make something that never existed before. We need each other. We need to plant healthy, unaltered seed, into our planet that grew everything all on its own, without our help or interference and we need to respect that way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Instead people are spewing vomitous waste from one computer or phone to the next. Repeating how terrible things are but nobody is doing anything about it. Yes, this Valentine's Day 17 people were murdered at school for no reason. Oh the person who did this was a terrorist. A White Supremacist Terrorist. Another shooting. It's a gun problem. No, it's a people problem. No, it is an insane people problem. But nobody says anything about how gun violence has slowly permeated the fabric of our culture through movies, cartoons, music, TV. Let's just show people reality shows where people act out the lowest common denominator crap people are capable of and call that reality TV? Really?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Games are filled with violence. And it isn't just being involved in a survival exercise, no, the player has to totally annihilate the enemy, the one that is different. Films a d TV follow the same formula. Identify the difference, that is a treat and destroy it and kill all of it. And to me, it looks like people are sitting on their hands. They'll talk about it but where is everybody.</div>
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<div>
Women need to march with their children and tell lawmakers we want gun laws in place so we as a society can function without stress and terror and fear at the fore of our consciousness.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Some people contacting each other and showing up like a Flash Mob and peacefully making a stand and saying, No more. And turn off the damn TV. Watching that crap repeat over and over and over again, everyday; it is propaganda. Other points of view that express reasonable ideals and approaches to solving problems; without trying to defeat or destroy somebody sure would be a good place to start. Just go and be. No leader is needed. No particular chant needs to be repeated. People can just join hands and hum and see what happens. We need to unify to solve the issues that are only going to get more complicated and worse, if we don't start facing them now. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I mean think about it. We can learn to share and stop killing and hating each other. We are not born with hatred in our hearts. This is something that is spread like a disease. It is taught and regurgitated from one generation to the next. Giving more and more people a reason to continue to really hate each other for even more reasons.... and for what? To what end? So we can feel justified when we choose to be stubborn and greedy and ignorant? It's like driving a car and with the engine on just jumping out of it and see what happens? I mean havoc is havoc. It doesn't have to have a meaning. So long as a bunch of people can nod their heads at the same time we are going to really feel okay about destroying the planet, the water, the air and all of life when the last one of us is dead? How does that even remotely sound viable?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Or we could stop fighting each other and instead of slugging somebody with hatred or words we could reach out and everyone who can could contribute to making this life here amazing. We are capable of living that way too.</div>
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I know this because I have learned a few things. I am not an idealist. I am a realist with an imagination. I can </div>
<div>
Imagine</div>
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that we can be different and have different ways of seeing life and appreciating it and all of that is cool</div>
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because we can respect each other's traditions and just chill out</div>
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<div>
We are never all going to see life the same way. This is never going to happen. Get over it. We are never going to all look the same so get over that too. In our genetic makeup all of our generations before us have left a cellular trace in what makes us who we are. When we hate each other we are also hating ourselves. When we don't respect each other we are sadly missing out on how enriching life is when we just appreciate each other.</div>
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We can make different dishes and have different holidays and we can go to places where we can share religious or philosophical ideas and we can still love each other. </div>
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I have been very sad lately.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Because so many people have accepted the arguments of extreme points of view over reasoning things out. We have a Constitution that is truly amazing. We have had many great teachers on all continents. We have made extensive rules and tried every different thing we could think of to try to make us all the same way. We guarded many secrets and coveted many traditions and touted we know the way to God or there is no god until we are all useless noise. Or</div>
<div>
we could reach out and just smile. Just acknowledge the life of someone once a day. Say please and thank you and hold a door open or give one the right of way when you are drying. Little things. They don't seem like much. But these little things form connections. And we begin to understand that we are all just here. Even a life long lived is relatively short. And let's face it, by the time you get old enough to really have something to say, you begin to forget what you have spent a lifetime learning. </div>
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<br /></div>
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No-one owns righteousness. We are all ignorant. We all have thoughts we can contribute to make the world a better place. We can plant seeds or study at a library and write about ideas and approaches to making our lives here on the planet good or</div>
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we can blame guns and people and greed and ignorance</div>
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we can do that</div>
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but it won't change anything</div>
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not one thing</div>
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<br /></div>
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or</div>
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we can try</div>
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just a little bit</div>
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to take one step towards understanding each other</div>
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and respecting each other</div>
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I mean</div>
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isn't that the biggest problem we face?</div>
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We can't possibly find our way to each other unless we do this with an open heart. </div>
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I remember thinking</div>
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one day I'll know something</div>
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one day I'll have the answers to these questions</div>
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why do people hate</div>
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why do people kill </div>
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why do peoples destroy so much of what has freely been given to them</div>
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<br /></div>
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when will it all end</div>
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questions</div>
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I used to think I would have the answers to something by now</div>
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but the only answer I have is this</div>
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I'm ignorant. I make mistakes. I don't know everything. I will never know everything. Hell, I'm getting old. I'm lucky if I remember to brush my teeth.</div>
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Life really doesn't have to be this hard. We allow it because we don't know how to stop it. But we can stop it by reaching out to each other and making a difference. We can come together and let special interest groups or corporations or big daddies know that sorry, you can't beat people up or kill them for not wanting you to strip their land of its natural resources. <br />
Especially, since we have the air and sun and movement and Cause and Effect all going in our favor. I mean, there is so much to do. All of this destructive stuff going on doesn't solve anything. We can be sorry when we realize the last bee flew and the last flower blossomed and the last fish was living in the water and the last tree fell or we can just do something. Marching is good. Non-violence is important. We can carry a sign or carry a thought or a kindness and just speak out mind with our presence. Clearly, the government does not represent all of us. It seems to be feeding off of hate and furthering its causes. People can continue to do that. But it is so short sighted. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We don't have to wonder if there is a purpose to our lives. All we need to do is start moving. And you will find it. You will trip over it with your immense ego but no worries.... we all do. We get quite self important when we can make something happen. Or make a change.</div>
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<br /></div>
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What matters is how we live. How we love. What matters is being honest. Doing our best. Being compassionate. Being honest with ourselves about our own flaws and mistakes and we can learn from our mistakes. We can be humble. Because no matter how smart anyone is, we all need each other to make this world a lovely compatible place to live. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Or destroy all of it. I mean, that can happen too. Sure does seem to be short sighted, yes it does. But I have a brain injury. My whole life has been turned upside-freaken-down and I had to start everything all over again. And I walk funny. When I'm fatigued its even worse. So what the hell do I know.<br />
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</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-39702673223237471702018-01-14T10:48:00.001-08:002018-01-14T12:13:10.722-08:00Common Ground<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px;">I was talking with a friend a little bit ago and some things have been hitting me. I don't know where this is all going to lead so please bear with me.</span><br />
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As most of you know, I was in a fatal car accident that left me feeling and being vulnerable. I couldn't rely on my senses because they weren't giving me the right information. I could rely on my memory because it disappeared into endless threads of momentary thoughts that ended in complete darkness. I used to describe it this way, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Everything I see, its like waves of water. Everything I hear is distorted and often scary. Back then doctors lacked the information to get what was happening to me. Not many people with brain injuries like I had didn't live and if they did, it was more of a vegetative state. I was.... a lucky one. Back then the only refuge and safe place I knew for sure was in the hearts of my children. Everything about what was left of who I was, was dedicated to my children. I was a shell, wired wrong and well, not the person my husband married so after about a year he left. I didn't blame him. But if I said I wasn't totally devastated and incapable of trusting my judgment or anyone other than the few people I knew loved me, my sister and her family and our dear friend from back in the day and my kids. That was about it. And I sincerely did feel lucky because the people that stayed in my life were amazing.</div>
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We all walked through unknown territory together. Being strong for each other and sometimes feeling incredibly vulnerable and not able to even voice our concerns.</div>
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Step by step we healed. Ourselves, each other and the love we have is amazing. Truly.</div>
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And part of this, for me anyway, had to do with our first Akita Angel. While the kids were home I tried so hard to be normal. Not complaining about the pain or anything. Doing chores that seemed to take forever while they were in school so they wouldn't see how hard things were for me. I wanted them to have as normal of a life as I could offer. I wanted them to feel safe to be children. I think Angel helped them with this too. Angel and our llamas and donkey and mule. We didn't have anyone around to keep us safe but our animals sure were all that and then some. Our second Akita was crazy huge and loving and he also scared the heck out of people so when the kids friends came over there were certain things that they couldn't do. No running around the Mama. The dogs would actually chase them and our Bulldog would nip at their heels to make them stop. It made me really dizzy and somehow the dingos figured that out. We had so much laughter and just flat out good times. Sitting and listening to the kids play music. Enjoying a cup of tea while watching that big sky sunset. It was beautiful.</div>
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When the kids were grown and finding their own lives I wound up selling the farm. That was hard. I moved close to my sister and we figured, all of our kids and we would be able to hold the family together by love and proximity. And I started getting some excellent doctors who helped me with everything. I was learning how to function and understanding what my deficits were and I could read and write again and went back to Columbia College and got my degree. Oh hell yeah!!! And my kids wound up moving to Chicago and we all have a blast.</div>
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Still, I was a recluse. I didn't have the confidence that I could see trouble coming or deal with it. I did learn some important things about being self protective and love and all of that good stuff. Most of which I have shared.</div>
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Kumo, back to Akitas now, has had some challenges. Whenever you bring a rescued creature into your home, they come with issues, usually. I wondered about my sweet boy. They always do tell us, everything, eventually. My trainer said she thought his behavior, his particular challenges, looked more like he had been victim of the puppy mill system. When he was hesitant it looked to her like it was less about fear and more about not having been exposed to things in life. He was and still is kinda, terrified of stairs. Especially, going down them. We have done a lot of work and he is getting more confident. He also has been hesitant about floors in stores, that are slippery.</div>
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You know how I have talked about how important it is for our Akitas to know that we acknowledge their concern and that we are capable of making a good decision about our safety and that we will always keep them safe. This gives them and us a bond of trust and understanding that quite frankly, is rare even in the human realm.</div>
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Well, back to the beginning now, remember when I told you I was visiting with a friend about fear and trust and a big idea was coming to me? Hold on. I forgot. Oh, when people are injured, whether physically or emotionally they become more sensitive to whatever hurt them. Could be abandonment or violence or neglect or a lack of love even, but there is a reaction that isn't just isolated with humans. It is also in animals. All kinds of animals. For me Akitas insist on communicating with us until we get what they are thinking or feeling. But in reality, mine anyway, have broadened my awareness to understand we are all living with the bumps and bruises and fractures that we have experienced. Being able to feel safe with people that care, brings us out of that inability to communicate or be a part of the larger group that we long to understand and love and be loved by.... humanity. Fear is a this mask we slap on our own insecurities and the more alienated and scared by by our experiences the harder we can become.</div>
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Michael Jackson's daughter picked up a couple of girls that were hitchhikers. She was cool. They ate together. She bought them some clothes to help them out. And got them safely to where they were going. And they stole her credit card. Some people look at those of us who are loving as weak. They see an honest person and think... I can take whatever. And when we get took it freakin hurts like hell. I love people. And I love sharing our thoughts. And this is pretty much a miracle because I have been afraid of those very things for decades. Some of that started way back when I was an activist for Civil Rights and ending the draft so people were free to join or not join in a war that they didn't believe was justified. It was a cumulative reaction to life's experiences.</div>
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When we find a common ground that we can share with each other a beautiful thing happens. We can feel safe. We can still be self-protective and know when we are safe. I think this is what Kumo has been going through too. He feels safe with us. Yet he will still sometimes flinch when a stranger pets him. He is almost okay with it all the time now and I think that is because he trusts that I would not have someone who is going to hurt him, touch him.</div>
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I hope I didn't ramble too much and that this makes sense. It is personal but something has hit me about rescued animals, and in my case, rescued Akitas, that is reaching me in a way that I haven't understood or seen clearly before. Being self-protective is smart. Having some confidence in our own ability to figure shit out is a slower process because we are not born knowing everything and we will never know everything. Mistakes that we make and mistakes other people make as they stomp through our peace of mind or hearts... we can't keep those things from happening. But we can learn and discern and trust and love too.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-36372267597522423102018-01-02T10:53:00.001-08:002018-01-02T11:19:25.115-08:00Love is a Powerful Thing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For much of my youth I was waiting for love. Waiting for that one special love. And for many years I loved my husband and the father of our children. But he decided he wanted to be single again and walked away. For decades I wondered about this. I couldn't figure out how he could leave when he had a family that loved him. And the pain that scarred my heart lingered. Oh I went on with my life but it haunted me. How could I ever give my heart to anyone again?<br />
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Five years later I met my second husband. And I loved him very much. We were artists and each of us had studied the genocide of our cultures. And then one day a car came speeding into our lane and hit us head on. And life changed. All of the ways and reasons aren't as important as the lessons my heart eventually learned. A year after the accident he left. I wasn't the same person he married. And I felt incredibly vulnerable. I focused on my children and our farm and one day led to another day and we moved on with our lives. I was no longer waiting for love or wondering if vows ever meant anything or if there wasn't something wrong with me.... I wondered in between the pain and confusion of having a Traumatic Brain Injury, among other injuries and as odd as this may sound, I was grateful. I was alive one more day to hear the voices of my children. I was alive one more day to watch them grow. And I was alive one more day to teach them whatever I could, should I not be around the next day.<br />
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I lived completely in the moment. Most of my memory about my life was gone. I could remember changes but not the specifics. I could remember I was hurt but I didn't feel the pain of it anymore. And I was grateful for that mercy in the midst of the pain and determination to read and write and walk and talk and have a vital life again. It was important to me to set a good example for my children. To be a good person, yes. To be honest, yes. To cherish each other and life, yes. To read and explore and think.... all of those things I continued to teach my children. But now there was something even more important. To teach them how to survive; how to never give up; how to have hope. The last and most important things I had learned that I wanted to pass on to them was to accept that they were never going to know everything. Life can be freakin hard. Your heart can get broken. And for a little while you might even lose hope. But in all of that remember this, you are not perfect. You will make mistakes. But as long as you learn from them they won't be wasted. And the biggest mistake you will ever make is to lie to yourself. Life is what it is. But we often want to make life or people the way we think they are or the way we think they could be if... We do this with other people and we do this with ourselves. I was a very honest person with everyone but me. The rationales I gave to every disappointment were amazing. But after the brain injury I could hold those thoughts together anymore. And this was another mercy. I had to accept my limitations without giving up growth. I had to let go of everything I had lost and focus on and appreciate the imperfect reality that I was living.<br />
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My first Akita, Angel, was a tremendous help. I always tried to be strong for my children. I didn't complain about the pain and chores I needed to do I did when they were in school. I didn't want them to know I was having a hard time taking care of the house or cooking. I didn't want them to worry. They did anyway. But I did my best to bring music and life and art and possibilities into our lives again and that remained. There were many hours when I was alone and our Akita took care of me. All of the ways she helped me are amazing but for now I am going to let that be. We had a wonderful life and then when she was five years old she was gone. I grieved so terribly. A neighbor whose parents had best friends and who bred Akitas had this long haired fawn colored male pup that the people who bought him decided they couldn't take him. He was paid for. They didn't want the money back. And here he was. My neighbor told me to at least come and see him and when I did my heart skipped. He had this joy and exuberance that was irresistible. I met his mom, who was a good sized gal and wonderful. I met his dad and he stood one his hind legs and was six feet tall and 180 pounds and he gently put his paws on my shoulders and looked down into my eyes and he gave me a sweet gentle kiss right on my nose. I still wasn't sure. What if the other dogs, especially our English Bulldog, didn't accept him. But I couldn't leave him. He loved me so much, right from the beginning. He got in the van with me and tucked his head into my shoulder and that was it. When my neighbor took us home and he met our sweet Mo, she rolled over on her back and they were off running and playing. They remained best friends their whole lives. We also had a German Shepherd and a Labmix and a Maltese and llamas and donkeys and a mule and a goat and teenagers. I'm guessing we had the safest farm around.<br />
<br />
Years later, the kids were grown and off finding their way. I was so proud of them. I realized I didn't have the physical strength to take care of the farm. One day I fell over a bale of hay and hurt my leg. It wasn't bad but I realized that if it had been, I was alone. I didn't want to interrupt the journey my children were on or influence the way they wanted to live so I sold the farm and moved to Chicago to be near my sister. We decided at least if our kids lived in different places that we would stay put and we could all stay connected to each other through the years. I went back to Columbia College and then surprise, surprise; my daughter came back from going to college in London and she decided to go to Columbia too. It was great. Then my son came and he went to Columbia College too. He stayed in the dorm that first semester and he got to know how to get around and work using buses and trains and he and some roommates got an apartment and he and my daughter got their degrees from Columbia College too. My other son came to live in Chicago and they wound up living in an apartment and working and enjoying life in the City.<br />
<br />
Bear was my silent giant. I barely had to tell him anything. He was so intuitive. Every morning I awoke to his beautiful amber eyes waiting for mine to open. Standing next to the bed he was eye level with my face. He and his bestgirl, Mo enjoyed life with me and wonderful visits from the kids for several years. I was painting and published Down the Road and was writing again and life was good. And the ghosts of abandonment had taken their place and were quietly waiting to appear whenever I missed the love I used to have. Knowing I would never have a partner again. Not because of my health or injuries but because of my broken heart. I couldn't take that again and decided to let that part of my life go.<br />
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I had a dear friend, many years ago. Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. We met in Boulder. He introduced me to some wild writers and we had interesting talks. Neither one had anything to gain from the other. No-one was looking to take from the other. We were just spirit clouds moving around a sky of life in a common atmosphere of love and thought and hope. We remained friends for many years. I would write him letters and he could call me. I used to think, that was polite. For him to call. And then we would get into these wonderful discussions about life. He would ask me questions and then our thoughts would communicate wonder and amazement to one another. Our relationship turned out to be the most significant, loving, friendship I have known in my life. Well, I know this same wonderful relationship with my grown children now. But Chogyam was my forever friend.<br />
<br />
When Bear got sick I knew I was going to have to get a Service Dog. I now understood that even though my optical nerves were healthy, my train did not receive or transmit what I was seeing around both of my eyes. I had significant peripheral blindness. And because of this my eyes didn't line up what they were seeing exactly right. I knew it was time. I put my name on a list. And some time later, Bear died. And I lost it. I would wake up sobbing in the middle of the night. Crying like a child would, "Bear, I just want you back." The ache of his absence was felt my Mo and me. A friend suggested I foster until my Service Dog was available. And so I did. Turns out I had a way of reaching traumatized dogs and rehabilitating them. And then someone saw my artwork and we got to talking and they offered to donate an Akita pup of my choice to be my next Service Dog. And I lifted Coco up in my arms and she nuzzled her head into my neck and that was it. Coco is ten now and I have another Akita who is in training to take over for Coco. She can't walk too much these days. We go to her favorite park with the pond and I am not grieving for her, anticipating the loss of her. I am celebrating her every minute of every day. Two significant moments of awareness moved me along.<br />
<br />
The first was from Baba Ram Das's book Be Here Now. When my kids were getting into their teens I found that I noticed authors I felt familiar with. I didn't have any memories why I had that feeling. Before I could even read or hold onto an abstract thought I bought this book, The Sacred Path of the Warrior. The author's name felt familiar. It was too hard to read but I left it out for my children to pick up. I did this with Ram Das's book, Be Here Now. I still didn't make a connection with Ram Das either. And then one day I was watching a movie, Seven Days in Tibet and I remembered, I had a friend who is a Lama from Tibet! I went up to the drawer where important papers and an old address book was kept and I opened it up and there he was. And I remembered Chogyam. Joy filled my heart. I wrote to him and sent pictures of my llamas and pointed out that was of them was named Dolly. I told him about my children and asked how he was and sent off the letter. In a little while I received a letter back. Someone said our correspondence was kept in Canada and my friend had passed away, or along. But he never left me. He had passed away and I didn't know it. And all of those years I loved him, even when I didn't remember him.<br />
<br />
One day I must have been having a rough time. I was missing Bear something fierce. And I wondered if I would ever be happy when I thought of him. We had so many good years together. I wished I could feel the joy I had when he was alive.<br />
<br />
And then one day, I must have been watching an old WWII movie and a soldier had died on the field and he had sent his love a letter. And she had written to him and loved him even though she didn't know he had died. That love, even though they were continents and seas a part was strong. And I thought.... hmmmm. I think I will try an experiment. Whenever I think about Bear I will add to the thought a little trick with my mind. He is outside. He is in the backyard. And I would think, I love you Bear. And the loving feeling lingered. And then it hit me. The greatest pains in my heart were due to one thing. I tried to understand why and tried to understand what was true and I tried to figure out love and life but what brought the pain was that I wasn't ready to stop loving them. I loved my first husband with the innocence and pure love this wide eyed child in me felt whenever I thought about him. He was the love of my life. And so I decided that I didn't care what the reasons were anymore. I was going to keep on loving him, even though he had passed away too. I had recently found out my second husband had died a couple of years before this new realization took hold and I let go of wondering why and did he ever and all of those thoughts and I decided to keep on loving him too. Because I loved him. By this time my Mother had also passed. She was a dynamic woman and complex and unfortunately the drink took her mind and she got really mean. I had studied a book called The Dance of Anger and parts of the title came back to me and I found it again and bought copies to share. And I realized that I wanted to love my Mom. It didn't matter if she was ever going to understand this or feel this or be nice or love me back.... none of that mattered. I loved her because she was my mom. She didn't have to deserve it. She didn't have to appreciate it either. It was in my heart for her and that was where it is now.<br />
<br />
I am glad I don't remember details anymore. I am glad the specifics flew away. And I am very grateful to love. And now I don't feel pain when I think of a loved one. I feel grateful. See, I figured out that Love is a powerful thing. You don't have to get it back. It isn't something you can buy or trade or even earn. It goes beyond life and death and limitations of time and space. Love is. And we can choose to love and hope and have faith that somehow humanity will rise up and appreciate this precious life we share with all of it, always.<br />
<br />
I keep self-destructive or deceitful people at arm's length. It isn't about judging people. It is about knowing my limitations. Our lives are filled with hops skips and jumps. And prider certainly does goeth before every fall. I don't think of reincarnation like I used to. I know our egos would like to consider that we are worth of living through eternity but I think it is more about the energy we give that lasts. When I see someone struggling I think, I have felt that way. That's is a hard thing to deal with. I don't judge them because I have been a fool. I have been ignorant and will always be ignorant. I will never know everything. I will never get everything right all of the time. But this I do know. I know love is limitless. Hope is essential. And faith that we will one day all be able to appreciate this great gift of life is eternal. Because the energy of all of that good stuff, it is part of all of it. Amidst the dust of history it is there. Amidst the swirling activities of daily life, it is here. It is now.<br />
<br />
And that is the bees knees.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-74100792553579949052017-08-09T17:41:00.004-07:002017-08-09T17:44:38.581-07:00The Wall - First ReactionHere is a video of The Wall when I realized it was finished. I've been working on this piece for three years.During the time when I was creating The Wall, where I started and where I ended up were influenced by what was happening in the world. From terrorism to great acts of heroism, all of these things made there way into The Wall.<br />
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Originally, I wanted to do a large piece and I wanted to do what I wanted to do. A completely stream of consciousness piece. I decided to create eight canvases and just go for it.</div>
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I always give myself an assignment. I like learning new things and doing this also helps me to focus. The idea was to have a horse and a turtle in the painting. They were going to be part of a large landscape and that was about as far as I got with it. I wanted to use any and all techniques and I wanted to go with the flow. </div>
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The terrorist attack that happened in Paris in November 2015 was devastating. My heart broke for Paris that day. As I listened to NPR this sadness came into the painting. And I thought... how long? I wondered what it is about people that they just feel justified to kill people who think differently? This has been going on for so long. </div>
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And then I asked.... what is it? What makes that sudden stop before a person decides to react to a situation with violence or compassion? And that sudden stop made its way into the painting.</div>
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The nightclub attack in Orlando, Florida happened in June of 2016. </div>
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Terrorist attacks took place in London and Manchester and I stopped thinking and just felt so much pain and suffering and that made its way into the painting.</div>
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The people at Standing Rock, being intimidated and brutalized because they didn't want the gas pipeline to run under the water they depended on for a healthy life sickened me. How could these private militias treat other peaceful people who just don't want their land and all that rely on fresh, unpolluted water, destroyed was unconscionable. </div>
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I had started the painting listening to Kenny Chesney and Trisha Yearwood and the last year and a half or so I listened to Robbie Robertson and Schindler's List and Leonard Cohen. Because of my Traumatic Brain Injury I can't really plan or remember what I was doing or what colors I was using when I stop painting. Everytime I face the canvas it is like I am looking at it for the first time. I discovered that listening to music could take me back to where I was emotionally and find my way back into the canvas.</div>
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And then something happened. Hope began to stir in my heart and I realized, hope and love, these are life choices. How we live and the choices we make are a direct reflection of what we value.</div>
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It took three years to save up the money for the canvases and paints and brushes and do studies and paint The Wall. The Wall is a 6' x 9' Oil on Canvases. And now it is finished.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-76017100949843972152017-01-23T16:54:00.003-08:002017-01-28T10:49:19.533-08:00I'm Not Finished Yet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Here is a picture of The Wall tonight.<br />
I've been working on some watercolor studies and I'm clear on what I want to do next. <br />
It isn't finished and neither am I.<br />
<br />
Before the accident I was all<br />
I can do that<br />
I was fit and bright and hell on wheels when it came to computers<br />
I loved working and raising my kids<br />
I experienced my share of pain and heartache and challenges<br />
And while life certainly was not what I thought it would be<br />
And most of the suffering I went through<br />
Was because of my own ignorance<br />
Which made me a little bit crazy for while<br />
With<br />
Good reason<br />
Still, I was okay<br />
<br />
However, some times a whirlwind of shit happens and there is just no<br />
Controlling it<br />
And that I had no control over<br />
At times I wasn’t sure my own mind and body was going to be able<br />
To carry me through it either<br />
<br />
Imagine<br />
I was an artist and suddenly couldn’t paint<br />
My imagination was left<br />
Out there somewhere on<br />
Blue Star Highway<br />
The experiences and observations<br />
That used to inspire me were also<br />
Gone<br />
<br />
I was surviving in the Nothing<br />
Well not exactly nothing<br />
There was terrible unspeakable pain<br />
That had become my constant companion<br />
Every breath<br />
Every movement<br />
Everywhere<br />
Through me<br />
Everywhere pain lived<br />
<br />
There was no reprieve.<br />
<br />
I mean I was gone man<br />
And nobody could reach me<br />
And though my heart was filled with love and<br />
Such a strong sense of spirituality<br />
It was indescribable<br />
I was left without reference<br />
Without context<br />
<br />
I was gone<br />
<br />
Thoughts were fragmented<br />
Random<br />
Appearing briefly out of the darkness<br />
That revved on<br />
With the a constant high pitched ringing that also<br />
Never left<br />
That one made me want to slam my head into the wall<br />
Just so I could crack it open and make it quiet<br />
<br />
Now add to that I was a writer and<br />
A poet<br />
I had been working for five years on a book<br />
Filled with stories of people who survived the Holocaust.<br />
Writing poetry and reading and thinking had been a part of who I was<br />
From the time I was a very little child I was reciting poetry<br />
My grandmother read to me<br />
<br />
I couldn’t figure out how to use my computer<br />
All of those stories were in there but<br />
I could bring them to life anymore<br />
Not on my computer<br />
And not in my abilities to read or reason<br />
That project was gone too<br />
<br />
My head hurt so bad when I tried to read<br />
That I couldn’t read<br />
And even when I tried<br />
The letters were swimming on the page<br />
I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading<br />
And couldn’t remember what I read<br />
I would keep on reading the same paragraph because<br />
When I looked up I had no idea where I was<br />
Or what I had just read<br />
<br />
I couldn’t tell how far down the ground was<br />
Or where I was going<br />
Or what I was supposed to do when I got there<br />
<br />
When I tried to paint I got lost<br />
From the time I looked at a canvas to the time<br />
I tried to find a brush or a tube of paint<br />
I was lost<br />
<br />
I walked all wobbly and it was nearly impossible to do<br />
Ordinary tasks.<br />
<br />
But some how<br />
This thread of hope that was intertwined with the love<br />
From my family and friends<br />
Got through<br />
It was so powerful<br />
I could feel it<br />
It<br />
Was all that kept me together<br />
<br />
I worked very hard<br />
It took years before the doctors and technology and discovery<br />
Physical therapists had the tools they needed<br />
To help me find new ways to interact with a new old world that<br />
Had become<br />
Faint and some how foreign<br />
<br />
I became determined to find a way to live one more day<br />
I put my energy into living purposefully<br />
With<br />
And Without<br />
What ever faculties remained<br />
I needed to set a good example for my children<br />
I needed to not be a victim of life<br />
But to figure out a way to turn around<br />
And kick it’s ass<br />
Despite the pain<br />
With the confusion that overwhelmed me and<br />
Some times<br />
With wanting to give up<br />
<br />
Those first few years the pain was so horrible<br />
I don’t think there was any time greater than 15 minutes<br />
When the I wondered<br />
How much can this body take<br />
When I thought<br />
This could be the last day<br />
This minute could be the last minute I look into my daughter or my son’s eyes<br />
<br />
And then<br />
Suddenly all I didn’t have<br />
Didn’t matter<br />
Because out of all the suffering and fear and confusion<br />
I received a gift<br />
It was wrapped in love<br />
It was called hope<br />
And my perspective on everything changed<br />
I would think<br />
I lived through that hour<br />
Maybe I can live one more<br />
Maybe I can see the kids after school<br />
Even though every minute was <br />
An excruciating struggle<br />
I couldn’t wait for that moment when the side door opened<br />
And I heard their footsteps and heard them call out<br />
Hey Maaaaaa<br />
<br />
There were times when<br />
I cried out to a God I didn’t believe was there anymore<br />
A God that I didn’t understand<br />
A God that I wasn’t sure listened<br />
And eventually I began to open my mind to other possibilities<br />
Maybe what I thought had been God was a little askew<br />
Maybe<br />
<br />
And this is what I came too<br />
We are here once.<br />
That we know<br />
There are lots of theories and religions and traditions<br />
That try to answer these simple questions<br />
What happened to me<br />
Why did it happen to me<br />
What did I do wrong<br />
How will I get through this<br />
I know<br />
It’s grueling<br />
But out of all of that<br />
Turns out<br />
There was a<br />
Bonus<br />
<br />
I had been longing to<br />
Live in the present and appreciate life<br />
And what’d’ya know<br />
Be Here Now<br />
Was my new and very real<br />
Separate reality<br />
Now was the only place I could be<br />
Everything else was forgotten or would be forgotten soon enough<br />
<br />
I stopped grieving over the memories of my children I couldn’t find.<br />
I stopped grieving over the life I could have had<br />
I stopped grieving over accomplishments I would never know<br />
I stopped grieving over love lost<br />
And I just started to live<br />
And love<br />
And give of myself<br />
To the garden<br />
To Nature<br />
To the dingbat dogs and cats<br />
My precious children and friends<br />
There was always more love in these deep pockets<br />
I reached into<br />
There was joy in knowing I would see their loving eyes looking back into mine<br />
Loving me<br />
Hoping for one more day too<br />
<br />
I will tell you true<br />
There is no one answer<br />
We are all imperfect<br />
We all err in our ways from time to time<br />
We are all learning<br />
And hopefully along the way<br />
We do learn a thing or two<br />
But we will never know everything<br />
<br />
I learned that life is precious<br />
Every second of it<br />
And while I was learning this<br />
Through tears and despair<br />
Roots of hope began to take hold<br />
<br />
I learned that<br />
Our bodies are terrible things<br />
They can rage on<br />
Without our consent<br />
And cause us so much pain<br />
That we just want to give up<br />
And I learned<br />
There is also more than pain<br />
There is more than loss too because<br />
There is love<br />
There is hope<br />
There is one more precious moment<br />
Some times it’s a freakin nightmare<br />
And some times it is so precious it<br />
Fills our heart with an elation we can only know through<br />
Experiencing it<br />
Gratitude filled my heart and body and for a moment<br />
I slipped away into something<br />
Wonderful<br />
Pain may have grasped my body and was holding on tight<br />
But it couldn’t steal the next moment<br />
My focus changed<br />
Because I was filled with this grateful tranquility for every minute<br />
<br />
From that time on<br />
I did more than exist and trudge through the pain<br />
I did more than survived<br />
I began to thrive<br />
<br />
You see the thing about love is<br />
It’s endless<br />
You can give it without speaking<br />
You can send it without a stamp<br />
You can love your family and friends<br />
And dingbat animals<br />
And you can love<br />
Every one<br />
Every where<br />
All of the time<br />
The birds<br />
The beauty of trees and leaves blowing in the wind<br />
Watching the sun flickering through them<br />
And it is always a wonder<br />
That I appreciate<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-45293127855930810782016-07-18T20:34:00.002-07:002018-01-14T12:10:10.214-08:00Solitaire at Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I play solitaire at night<br />
I try not to make mistakes<br />
The red goes on the black<br />
The black goes on the red<br />
I don’t skip any numbers or face cards<br />
<br />
Worked on The Wall<br />
And emptied every thing on the canvas<br />
Maybe no-one will see it<br />
Maybe it will go up in flames<br />
Maybe it will last forever<br />
Under another name<br />
<br />
I want to know how to get through all of this<br />
Coco didn’t come into the studio again today
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-48361949661423576092016-07-08T12:14:00.002-07:002016-07-08T12:58:06.385-07:00Deleting Hatred<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
I read the post below this morning and have been thinking the same things. Last night I got tired of seeing all of the negative and mean posts that have been showing up on my FB page. I started deleting them and wow what a difference. I have decided to cut off the hatred from my page. Not the people, but all of the political meanness and bullying and lies and even mean humor, whatever, I don't even know what to call it all anymore but a sickness that has invaded my home and peace of mind.</div>
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I know bad happen. I know it. I'm in my sixties. My grandparents and my parents told me stories about the Civil War, WWI, WWII, the Korean War, the Viet Nam War. There are no winners in war. It leaves scars that are passed down from one generation to the next. I began studying the geocide that happened during WWII (actually reading history books and biographies for more than thirty years) and interviewing Death Camp Liberators and victims of the Holocaust into geocide has made me keenly aware of where cruelty and hatred leads. And you know what I found out? Every continent has been a victim and a perpetrator of violent genocide. Including America, where millions of Native Americans were murdered over the course of about 20 years. Ironically, I didn't know about most of this until I was married to a man who was Potowatomi. We were studying this terrible phenominon that has occured in our own cultural history and I was dumbfounded by my ignorance. I studied different religions. And I believed in a few until I saw so much hypocracy I let go of the organized religions completely but held to the teachings that were profound. I do believe there is something that connects all of us with nature and life but I am no longer arrangant enough to pretend that I have the answers.</div>
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I will say one thing and if there are mean comments, I will delete them.... all of my life people have always had different opinions about politics, religion and society. In fact, all of my research into history and religions over the course of my lifetime has shown me this is nothing new. Indeed, as King Solomon said, There is nothing new under the sun. There is wisdom in every society. There is honor in every society. And there is also a need for people to respect each other and each other's differences without intimidating and bullying people into some sort of submissive existance.</div>
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That's all I've got to say. I don't give a shit about conspiracies or he said she said.... there is no excuse for the behavior and the media hype that is distorting just about everything and I'm done with it. So, I will be deleted anything negative from now on. Again, not the people I love so much but I need to stop this flow of negativity in my life. I know a lot of amazing people. Giving, caring, loving, honest people. Some are gay some are not; some believe in God, some are religious and some are not; some have families and some do not and they are all sorts of genetic combinations of wonderfulness.... that is my reality. Are there bad people in the world who do bad things? Yes. Clearly. But until the media balances out that with how many good people there are who also do good things and are honest; I'm done with the media and the movies that pump hatred and killing into our lives like it was candy. I'm going on a diet.</div>
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My words to live by are these, show respect, to everyone. Burn the measuring stick and just show respect because it is a life choice not because you deserve it or anyone else does either. Show compassion, because none of us have all of the answers and we all have blind spots and none of us knows everything. In fact, that would be impossible, our brains aren't that big. So try to have a little humility and try to figure out how you can make something better and then do that one thing. None of us can solve all of the world's problems but that doesn't mean we can't do something positive today.</div>
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People can go on hating each other and finding all kinds of reasons that this is justified until we are all so disheartened we can't breathe, we can't function. People can go on killing each other and try to stamp out anyone who sees things differently or we can actually work on solving problems that don't include cruelty and killing each other. If we don't get our shit together and we just run along and believe whatever and continue to pollute the planet and use up its natural resources like little pigs, well we will pay for it. We won't have to spend millions, billions of dollars going to Mars because that's what this planet will be like. If we were so smart, we'd figure this out and work together to take care of this planet and each other instead of destroying the one place we can live and destroying each other.</div>
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This article is good. Not that people read that much anymore. I think most of us look at the pictures and read the captions and don't go much further but it's time to help an Akita find its way home and I'm going to do something about that.<br />
<br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/awzNHuGqoMc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Facebook post by Dakota Meyer</div>
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I’m tired. I’m tired of seeing my country divided and fighting itself. It has been tricked by the media and by this administration thinking that the enemy is us. Hitler used the common enemy approach prior to World War II to unite a splintered and struggling Germany. We used the common enemy of communism to unite our country for the 40 or so years that followed the end of that war. Then the wall came down and we lacked a true common enemy until September 11, 2001. But then that faded and America was in a lull of sorts lacking unity. Then 8 years ago “Change” was brought to the White House and over the past 8 years I have seen that change. The media and the Obama administration have worked tirelessly and we are just about there now. We are not a nation as much as we have become groups of people fighting amongst one another because the enemy is us.</div>
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When did we become so ugly as a nation? Why are we ok with not being better human beings? I’m tired of watching people dying. I’ve seen too much of it. I’m tired of the anger over things that aren’t even understood. Just stop. We know better than to act like this. Guns are not evil. Police are not evil. It is people who have become ugly and cruel to one another. It is people who have accepted the easy way out. They’ve chosen to be afraid and angry. They’ve chosen to blame other people for their problems. It is easy to be angry and blame someone else than to take responsibility for yourself. We need to just stop. Stop blaming other people and start now making ourselves better as human beings.</div>
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It is time to be done with being bound by a common enemy and instead be bound by the commonality that we are all Americans. I am saddened by what happened this evening and the events leading up to it. My heart and my prayers go out to the families of the officers who were shot in Dallas tonight. This isn’t what I want to leave for my daughter when I die and I will be dammed if I am going to sit here and do nothing.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-77591432098597184062016-04-14T15:20:00.001-07:002016-04-21T10:37:01.687-07:00The Longer I LiveThe Longer I live<br />
the less I see things as either or<br />
and the more I find the most reasonable answers<br />
are often all about<br />
and<br />
<br />
I don't know why but when I was young<br />
out there<br />
seemed to be more interesting<br />
more tantalizing than<br />
what I took with me everywhere<br />
that bein<br />
my heart<br />
<br />
Should I go to school<br />
Should I become a part of the system<br />
Should I graduate<br />
Should I give a shit<br />
My heart mulled these evaluations<br />
endlessly<br />
<br />
Somewhere along the way I realized<br />
the middle of the road gets more sun<br />
it stays the warmest longer<br />
well, unless there is a mountain in the way<br />
then it could be in shadow most of the day<br />
life isn't fixed<br />
but thinking about the journey we are on<br />
the road we are traveling up<br />
or down<br />
its more about finding the warmth<br />
and appreciating it<br />
<br />
When people get hung up on either or<br />
they tend to get rigid<br />
it's my way or the highway<br />
and this affects our<br />
the way we ultimately decide to live<br />
each moment<br />
each day<br />
of our lives<br />
<br />
Should I get married<br />
Should I get divorced<br />
Should I take that next step<br />
Is stability every thing it's cracked up to be<br />
<br />
How do I apply all of the wonderful lessons I've learned<br />
into day to day living so I am equipped to make<br />
good decisions<br />
<br />
I can consider lessons I've learned from my past<br />
experiences and emotions and consequences<br />
and I can make plans for the future<br />
I'm going to the grocery store<br />
better get my keys<br />
or I need to decide whether or not to sell the farm<br />
<br />
I can trudge up things of the past<br />
oh I remember grieving or feeling so all alone<br />
but going over detailed re-enactments of what happened to me<br />
just ain't runnin on the wheel anymore<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
I have found considering the past is a good thing<br />
because we learn from ours and from other's experiences<br />
And having a plan without any expectations is actually<br />
pretty reasonable<br />
but in order to have balance<br />
it is important to live right now<br />
in the moment<br />
yep<br />
being in the moment is definitely where it's at<br />
<br />
lucky as shit about that<br />
I used to have a hard time falling asleep<br />
because I would think about<br />
everything<br />
tomorrow<br />
yesterday<br />
it seemed like all of the questions<br />
and conundrums of the world<br />
would flutter through my subconscious<br />
<br />
Should I sell the farm<br />
Should I open up the house to travelers<br />
or artists and poets and musicians who needed a getaway<br />
who needed some times to just feel the earth between their toes<br />
and get a few calluses on their hands<br />
I've been a hermit for most of my life<br />
And then I thought<br />
What if someone came and didn't want to leave<br />
What if I tried to take care of the farm alone<br />
what if<br />
I fell down in the haybarn lost my balance<br />
it already happened once<br />
had it been any worse my leg might have twisted the wrong way<br />
and then<br />
nope being alone isn't viable<br />
and without knowing people<br />
I don't think I could keep up with their coming and going<br />
<br />
I didn't want the kids to have their own flow<br />
interrupted<br />
they had their own life to create and follow<br />
the most reasonable decision was to sell the farm<br />
I needed to change my perspective<br />
it wasn't a loss<br />
it had been a great way to raise the kids<br />
it had been a great place to heal<br />
and while I would have wanted to stay there<br />
for the rest of my life<br />
it was time to finally learn<br />
to let it go<br />
let go of my expectations of life<br />
and instead<br />
look at it realistically<br />
there is another phase for me<br />
another place to live<br />
it it time to stop resisting change<br />
and to go with it<br />
not to grieve over it<br />
but to celebrate it<br />
<br />
I asked my sister to help me with this decision<br />
After two years of struggling I still wasn't any closer<br />
to knowing what to do<br />
<br />
We figured that if we lived closer<br />
than at least we would all see our kids if they wound up<br />
living in other places too<br />
it was time to sell the farm<br />
it was time to move<br />
on<br />
so I had an auction<br />
packed up<br />
found homes for my much loved<br />
llamas and donkeys and mule and goat<br />
and my stinkin cats<br />
and my Akita and Bulldog and<br />
got a little house my sister found for me<br />
with a wonderful yard<br />
I was close to my sister<br />
and it was absolutely the best decision<br />
our kids grown and growing<br />
were close and my sister and I loved each other<br />
and enjoyed being able to see each other<br />
and funny thing about it was<br />
my adult kids all wound up in Chicago<br />
living together<br />
making friends<br />
having a life<br />
working<br />
going to Columbia College<br />
learning how to take public transporation and<br />
learning how to take their country<br />
sensibilities with them to<br />
Chicago<br />
<br />
it was great<br />
I went back to Columbia College<br />
and finished what I started back in the early seventies<br />
and I even graduated on the Dean's List<br />
30 years after I started there<br />
Two of my children graduated from Columbia College too<br />
what a great experience that was<br />
<br />
moving to this area<br />
and going to college in Chicago<br />
and the kids living together in an apartment<br />
and working and going to school and<br />
making friends<br />
creating a life there<br />
that probably wouldn't have happened<br />
had I not sold the farm<br />
Their lives opened up tremendously<br />
from having lived in the City<br />
<br />
Turns out<br />
the decision to sell or stay wasn't about<br />
should I move<br />
or should I stay<br />
or should I live on the road<br />
it was about<br />
family<br />
and being in contact with each other<br />
it was about cherishing those times we had together<br />
it was about celebrating life<br />
and celebrating each other's lives too<br />
yeah<br />
none of this would be happening<br />
if I sold the farm and kept a few acres and<br />
put a tiny house on it. <br />
taking that next step<br />
is how I got here<br />
right now<br />
it's how I got to peace<br />
and understanding<br />
in the one City that decades ago I hated<br />
Yeah<br />
Chicago<br />
who knew<br />
<br />
cool<br />
huh<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-52783370609952820082016-03-29T14:17:00.002-07:002016-03-29T15:03:02.963-07:00Perfection Is Highly Overratedbeing<br />
out in the gardenyard<br />
soon it will be warm enough<br />
to take my shoes off<br />
and feel the mud squooosh up through all of those<br />
inbetween places<br />
<br />
it grounds me<br />
<br />
after a few good thaws<br />
and a few good rains<br />
the good earth<br />
is ready to receive its seed and root<br />
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<br />
planting and transplanting<br />
moving moss and flowers and saplings around<br />
and the warmth of the sun on my back<br />
is exhilarating<br />
<br />
Put some garden tools<br />
into the old Radio Flyer and up the driveway we<br />
crackle and roll<br />
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<br />
broke'n gloves hang out my back pocket<br />
I'll use them for awhile and then<br />
refuse them<br />
something about dirt under my finger nails<br />
brings me closer to Grandma<br />
think we'll spend a morning together<br />
<br />
I need to top off some buds from weeds that have clearly<br />
been improperly categorized<br />
and put those seeds out'ta searching<br />
for a place that is just right<br />
my garden<br />
is unpredictable<br />
<br />
Ooooo those clouds are coming in<br />
quicker than I thought they would<br />
think I'll go put on my rubber boots just in case<br />
wait a minute<br />
they need mending<br />
no worries<br />
I know where some neon pink duct tape sits<br />
waiting to be taken off it its roll<br />
to find something useful to do<br />
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<br />
<br />
ahhhh<br />
perfection is highly overrated<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-15308139648977329542016-02-15T14:56:00.002-08:002016-02-17T22:40:26.826-08:00Academy Award Boycott 2016This year the Academy Awards presented me with a moral dilemma.<br />
<br />
For the second time in the past two years, only white people were nominated for any awards. Now this is not uncommon. Everybody knows that a bunch of fat cats raking in money for peddling their owners ideas and way of living is culturally narrow. And outside of major cities wow... not a lot of diversity there unless it represents one way of thinking. Which in and of it itself is.... disappointing.<br />
<br />
I got to thinking.... do I really care about what these people do.<br />
Do I need to sit on the couch and watch one more awards ceremony<br />
As people I'll never know slap each other on their backs and <br />
go to all kinds of fancy parties and<br />
get accolades from their peers and listen to who made what fancy suit<br />
and designer dress<br />
from yet more people I don't care about.<br />
don't get me wrong now<br />
some of those gowns are truly works of art<br />
but do I really care who is what in this whole exclusive scene<br />
nope I really don't care<br />
not when there is something else that is worth so much more<br />
like respect and dignity and integrity and fairness and inclusiveness<br />
<br />
freedom to have everybody represented in the arts and sciences<br />
freedom to hear a wide range of stories about our shared human experiences <br />
freedom to be represented, for crying out loud <br />
Really. <br />
<br />
I heard Ice Tea say something, and it just broke my heart, paraphrasing here, he said he never expected to be invited to the party. He made movies because he loved making movies. He loved expressing himself creatively and<br />
he was passionate about his work<br />
his insights are so true and so real<br />
to think that someone like this<br />
some one with this much talent<br />
would just figure that was the way it was<br />
broke my heart<br />
<br />
Oh<br />
How all of Hollywood couldn't gain some insight into this is beyond me. This some racist bullshit and everybody knows it. There is no way the only stories worthy of being recognized or awarded to only those about white people or told my white people<br />
Seriously, <br />
this is some ignorant bullshit. <br />
<br />
It wasn't so long ago, people that were different genders, races and religions joined together in something called the Civil Rights Movement. It was dangerous. It was scary. It was beautiful. Crossing those lines of ignorance and reaching out to people we didn't know culturally. Not just black and white but people of all ethnicities and religious or non-religious beliefs decided to see.... what does it look like from over there...<br />
<br />
We took chances. <br />
Most of us were never on the news or in any book. <br />
It was more a choice to live with the knowledge that man now has the capability to blow up this planet like so many times, its ridiculous. How did that translate to everyday people. People taking chances to make friends with people who were different? Yeah, and you know what, we found out that there were a whole lotta groovy things we did have in common. The need to be understood. The need to reach out and know someone is there. The need to understand what is happening in our hearts. The need to love and to be loved<br />
The need to have a friend.<br />
<br />
We cooked cool foods and enjoyed experiencing different cultures and found other like minded people that really loved living free.<br />
<br />
You know what I'm talkin about too.<br />
<br />
When I was a little girl we were driving up north<br />
and I remember seeing those white only signs up over the water fountains and<br />
colored signs only by other water fountains and wondered <br />
what these were signs there for. <br />
I went over to the nearest fountain, which was the wrong one and <br />
my Mom came over and got me. She told me had water in the car. <br />
Why are those signs there, I asked her? I wish I knew she said.<br />
<br />
Years later I was involved in the peace movement in Chicago. And I was there when the second Chicago fire hit. Oh my God, it was so sad. So sad. I bet you don't hear that often. But it was. When John F. Kennedy and Malcom X and Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. were taken from us it was like the wind had been ripped out from under our wings and we fell, flat on our backs, no wind, no breathing, hollow<br />
hollow<br />
hopeless<br />
<br />
all of our hopes and the people that inspired us so<br />
had been stomped on and trashed<br />
and it left a scar<br />
<br />
but we didn't disappear<br />
we just got quiet<br />
we kept being real<br />
and we kept moving on<br />
<br />
I'm an old woman now<br />
and my heart still aches<br />
still aches<br />
just to think about <br />
that time<br />
<br />
And I think, the Revolution will not be televised<br />
The Revolution is Live<br />
<br />
Because every time we continued to extend our hand<br />
and our hearts to those around us<br />
regardless of whether we were alike or different<br />
it meant some thing<br />
it <br />
meant <br />
some thing<br />
<br />
Now the Academy Awards is coming up<br />
and again two years in a row not one person who wasn't white<br />
was chosen to be awarded.<br />
That means that apparently no other stories like <br />
Straight Outta Compton, Concussion with Will Smith<br />
or Spike Lee's, ChiRaq had any relevance or ironies or substance<br />
really<br />
seriously?<br />
<br />
And I thought about Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr<br />
and so many others<br />
some names you would recognize and many you've never heard of<br />
and I thought about that diner in Greensboro, North Carolina <br />
when regular everyday people decided<br />
they weren't going to sit by and tolerate segregation anymore<br />
and all kinds of people put their lives on the line<br />
during that decade<br />
because they knew<br />
deep in their hearts<br />
that the Revolution was live<br />
it was an everyday mentality<br />
an awareness of how connected we all are<br />
of how much we share<br />
and it was about turning away from destruction and turning<br />
toward creating something beautiful<br />
<br />
Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr.'s beliefs<br />
about practicing non-violence and civil disobedience by living<br />
mindfully <br />
through the convictions of one's own conscience<br />
with integrity<br />
with the goal of achieving freedom and peace<br />
for everyone may have been lofty<br />
but it still sails me<br />
<br />
to live any other way<br />
once you understood that when one suffered<br />
we all suffered<br />
it wasn't possible to stay comfortable<br />
when others were suffering from the wounds of hatred<br />
<br />
I saw on the news today that all of these actors and directors<br />
had won all kinds of awards. <br />
I thought maybe the Academy Awards had been on last night<br />
but no, these were major awards from other countries<br />
and suddenly<br />
I pictured <br />
all of those well tanned<br />
muscular few<br />
who have trainers and coaches and prestige and adoration <br />
from their fans<br />
and I saw the glutinous need for more<br />
<br />
smiling and scarfing down <br />
more and more and more<br />
and more<br />
and I thought<br />
the Revolution is live<br />
<br />
look<br />
some will sit at the trough<br />
and some won't have a clue<br />
some will sit at other tables in the five and dime<br />
and they won't say a word<br />
but maybe a few<br />
might just maybe<br />
decide to sit somewhere else instead<br />
and say<br />
enough is enough too<br />
<br />
Unless everybody is invited to the table<br />
man why go<br />
there's gotta be a whole lotta some thing else to do<br />
and some where else to be<br />
than there<br />
<br />
I have decided to boycott the Academy Awards this year and chose to share my thoughts about this in my video.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HjppvvwE1Mk" width="420"></iframe><br />
<br />
All of life, so far as we understand it<br />
is connected<br />
it is always being<br />
and it is always becoming<br />
whether we see it or not<br />
hear it or not<br />
whether we can quantify it or not<br />
life is <br />
its real liquidy<br />
and its always moving<br />
on its own wavelength<br />
I think this is why prayer and singing together <br />
or listening to music together<br />
gives us the awareness of our connection<br />
that is always inside us<br />
moving through all of us<br />
you see I think <br />
ALL<br />
lives matter<br />
and participating in the perpetuation of this discrimination<br />
regardless of who gets hurt<br />
or who is hurting<br />
well, it just isn't entertaining<br />
not one bit<br />
it isn't funny<br />
it isn't cool<br />
and it damn sure isn't righteous<br />
<br />
I remember singing a song with many others<br />
I couldn't find a recording of a crowd singing this song<br />
I think you'd have to be there to know what it felt like<br />
to be targeted<br />
to be scared<br />
to hear the screams America love it or leave it and to stand<br />
and hold onto each other<br />
swaying to this undeniable connection we were all feeling<br />
and it was some thing<br />
monumental<br />
that broke down all kinds of walls and barriers and it was<br />
beautiful<br />
here it is<br />
We Shall Overcome<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
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Look, we all decide who we are by how we live. We all reflect who we are by how we live. We do this every minute of every day.<br />
As for me? <br />
I'd rather sit this one out<br />
and tune out hatred<br />
and ignorance<br />
and instead do just about anything else<br />
I may even wash my hair and<br />
in my heart <br />
I'll be remembering those songs we sang<br />
and the crowd<br />
becoming one love<br />
and I'll be digging on that<br />
<br />
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I realized that the real fight<br />
wasn't won with violence<br />
my Grandpa told me more than once<br />
Baby<br />
You may have to fight three times in your life<br />
But all of those good decisions you make<br />
whether anyone sees you making them or not<br />
will give your the strength to survive<br />
<br />
I was young then<br />
a pacifist <br />
a dreamer<br />
but I listened to my Grandfather because I knew <br />
he was such a good man and he was telling me something important<br />
<br />
I couldn't imagine what I would fight with someone about. <br />
I was picturing getting into an actual fist fight.<br />
But as I lived and breathed<br />
Grandpa was right<br />
Those struggles<br />
especially after the brain injury <br />
that ripped me a part<br />
I could never have imagined <br />
turns out the greatest battle I would ever face<br />
was the one with my own will to give up<br />
my own will to live<br />
was beyond me<br />
<br />
I realized that yes, all of those decisions that seemed insignificant<br />
whether anyone saw them or not<br />
had given me strength<br />
enough strength to look in the mirror and recognize<br />
that I was still being and becoming and<br />
a part of everything<br />
and while it was different now and<br />
I was in some ways different now<br />
life was still worth living<br />
and even when it was hardest to convince myself of this<br />
I kept on going<br />
the strength of all of those decisions I'd made<br />
gave me the ability to take one more step <br />
<br />
Grandpa was right<br />
no matter how hard we get knocked down<br />
life is still worth living<br />
when we live it with integrity, love and<br />
when we live it purposefully<br />
<br />
And my purpose is to keep on keepin on<br />
<br />
<br />
I watched the Grammy's last night<br />
<br />
And wow<br />
I saw the most historic, inspirational<br />
creative expression of genius<br />
Kendrick Lamar<br />
<script height="369px" src="http://player.ooyala.com/iframe.js#pbid=dcc84e41db014454b08662a766057e2b&ec=trOW14MDE6gCowO43SPHW0Wdr_Ehb2Xy" width="656px"></script><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-81840025894225596782015-06-16T06:15:00.001-07:002016-04-15T07:17:07.594-07:00The Prairie Gifted to The Indian Prairie Public LibraryThis is a video Dave Bunn put together of the time I worked on the painting The Prairie at the library and then when I gave it to the library when it was finished. This painting took about a year to paint. It is a love gift to the whole community.<br />
<br />
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<br />
My son Steve Lieto and my daughter Rebekah Lieto are adding their brush strokes and color to The Prairie. The creative expression we share is very much a family affair. We had such a good time. Coco is also in the video. Coco is my Akita Service Dog who was very much a star at the library while I worked on the painting there. And she was my constant companion when I continued to work on it in my studio. There is just a sideways glimpse of Marianne Ryan, who did an awesome interview after The Prairie found its new home at the library. Thank you Jamie Bukovac for coming up with this interactive project. I love love loved working on it at the library. I loved the families, the love, the questions, the curiosity.... just everything. <br />
Thank you Dave for creating this video. You are a dear.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-86589789618960806462015-03-24T15:39:00.002-07:002015-03-24T16:48:59.026-07:00Birdman Review<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
Birdman<br />
<br />
I don't usually choose movies because they've received awards or rave reviews. Most of the time big winners don't impress me. But there was something about Birdman and what people said about it during the Oscars that compelled me to make sure I didn't miss this one.<br />
<br />
I went to see Birdman at a wonderful small theater in town. I went with my daughter, who is also an artist and our dear sisterfriend Margo.<br />
<br />
First off, Birdman was fucking genius.<br />
Everything about it.<br />
The screenplay,
and directing<br />
was<br />
wow brilliant.<br />
<br />
<br />
This film was based on a play by Raymond Carver entitled
,"What We Talk About When We Talk About Love," and the screen play was written by Alejandro Bonzales Inarritu and
Nicolas Giacobone and Alexander Dinelaris and Armond Bo.<br />
<br />
The actors shared their own moments of truth. Their own enslavement to
their craft. Their own self hatred and inspiration. Michael Keaton was amazing. The way the
Director, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, melded the in-time events with
what was really going on inside the characters was way out cool.<br />
<br />
Everyone's performance was stellar.<br />
It was great seeing real flesh and blood actors with wrinkles and imperfect bodies who had something authentic to express between the lines of the written word and the depths of their own
experience. I especially dug Edward
Norton, (always a fave), Emma Stone, (she totally blew me away) and
Lindsay Duncan, oh hell yeah and Amy Ryan, as subtle as an ocean breeze.<br />
All that being said,<br />
Michael Keaton,<br />
Michael Keaton,<br />
Michael Keaton!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
He filled up that screen and expressed a whole lotta somethings that he had lived
through,<br />
and gave an in your face performance that stuck<br />
<br />
<br />
Bek and I talked about this shared experience of being an artist, a creative person, after the movie. <br />
We talked about that moment or lots of those moments<br />
when we reach that point, while we are creating something out of nothing, <br />
when self doubt, and self loathing lifts its grotesque head,<br />
out of the depths of wherever the hell we go for our inspiration <br />
and gurgles up through the sludge of change and chance <br />
until we are overcome<br />
until we reach out and truth leaves a trace of some kind of<br />
creative expression<br />
for the reader or viewer or listener to feel too <br />
that connection between the obscure and the inspired<br />is what most people never see<br />
That moment or maybe lots of moments <br />
when we experience these private little deaths <br />
when we give ourselves to our work, <br />
our creation <br />
and let go of every<br />
hope <br />
every secret expectation that our work will be validated<br />
and we let go<br />
we jump<br />
we wake up<br />
crippled<br />
sweat dripping and running and running<br />
motionless<br />
breathless <br />
head pounding and excruciating truth<br />
until we can't think any more<br />
and it all<br />
gives way to
something far more risky,<br />
something far more<br />
real.<br />
something tangible that the viewer sees<br />
<br />
it is our of our hands<br />
it takes on a life of its own<br />
and everything else pales <br />
<br />The final seconds before the curtain rises<br />
when we demand an answer<br />
as though we are asking a judge to find us innocent<br />
and the gavel cracks down hard<br />
and inside the world vanishes<br />
and all we hear is<br />
what difference does this make<br />
this is all insignificant<br />
nobody cares<br />
you are nothing <br />
and then<br />
we step into the nothingness<br />
into the sentence<br />
and we say the next line<br />
or load our brush<br />
or we begin to sculpt or <br />
play another note<br />
and then we are there<br />
we are swirling around in that moment<br />
second by second<br />
creating something to hold onto<br />
something that won't disappear<br />
but something that will always<br />
always<br />
disappear<br />
<br />
This movie blew my mind.<br />
The awards it received were wonderful and well
deserved.<br />
But the experience of seeing this movie in the theater<br />
the artist and the craft being splayed in the darkness lit by the wide screen<br />
was like going through a living breathing autopsy <br />
It was the metaphorical journey of an artist<br />
the insecurities<br />
the questioning<br />
wrestling with that great big question<br />
what difference will all of this make<br />
and the ultimate answer that echoes time and again<br />
it doesn't matter<br />
its all insignificant<br />
you are insignificant<br />
oh man oh man<br />
<br />
My favorite things? The story has substance and people look real. People have
wrinkles and imperfect bodies and they don't know what the hell is going
on. They are hanging on by a thread just long enough to take an entire
audience with them, as they delve deep and deeper still into the
creative process. This is what the artist, the musician, the writer,
the performer lives and breathes.<br />
<br />
<br />
This is the sacrifice that most
people never understand.<br />
This is the torment and this is the bliss<br />
this is the wound and
this is the healing death<br />
this silent primal scream that springs from the depth of our gut<br />
until we are finished<br />
until we are wrung out and nothing else is left <br />
until its over<br />
until<br />
we slip away<br />
with the hope that just maybe<br />
maybe someone else feels it too<br />
<br />
and that's it<br />
the completion<br />
the opening<br />
the death<br />
the life<br />
the expression<br />
all there<br />
all hidden<br />
all out in the open<br />
<br />
oh by the way<br />
the drummer was the heart beat that pulled this whole dealeo <br />
together<br />
he was the beat <br />
<br />
<br />
yeah it was pure genius </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-20067893501851009482015-02-25T07:39:00.000-08:002015-02-25T07:39:03.416-08:00All Creatures Large and Small<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
All
creatures large and small have attention getting behaviors. Some are
used to alert others of danger and some are to alert others to a source
of food. All use lots of behaviors to get the attention of a potential
mate. This is normal. Now here is the kicker. Your dog will respond
to your attention getters too. For example, say you are a yeller. You
are constantly correcting but you don't follow through with instruction.
You follow through with intimidation or force. And your tactics
frustrate you because you have to behave in a way that outdoes your
dog's behavior. Your relationship is based on telling and punishing.
Neither of which is something your dog understands. It may understand
it needs to be submission to quiet things down but that doesn't mean it
has learned anything.<br />
<br />
When there is a behavior that your dog does
and you want it to do something else, you need to set your dog up for
success. For example, when Coco and I were in service dog training
school there was a command they needed to do. Back.. In class, they
were along a wall and they couldn't go forward. The only way they could
move was straight back. Every step back earned praise, Good back.
Good girl, good back. Lots of repetition and instruction gave her brain
and body a chance to learn this skill. Then when we applied it in
stores, again, we were in a situation where she could only walk straight
backwards. Lots of praise.<br />
<br />
Eventually, I used a hand signal with her
and she cued me when we needed to go back and it became more like a
dance. Coco, all on her own, will decided if an aisle is too congested
for us to get through and she will stop, look at me and we will go
backwards. She has done this in a parking lot or in a restaurant.
Always looking for where we need to go and always prepared to change
directions.<br />
<br />
So when our dingbat animals, our brilliant Akitas are
doing something to get our attention try to figure out what type of
attention they are getting used to. We generally set the tone. I
remember seeing this with so many of my fosters. Especially ones that
had been yelled at or worse. One of the sweetest dogs I ever fostered
was Chelsie. She had been left for dead in the backyard, chained to a
tree, when the people moved away. There had been terrible storms for a
couple of weeks so she was completely deaf and very sick when she came
to me. One thing I noticed was she didn't want to go into the kitchen,
which is where our side door to outside and walks is and where the food
and water is kept. She would get low to the ground and practically
crawl with her ears flat down and this sorrowful look on her face. I
knew she had been yelled at, seriously intimidated and she had learned
her lesson but she was left with scars.<br />
<br />
So I started helping her
so she wouldn't feel afraid. Now she may have gotten food off a counter
or into a garbage can so she may have done that. A lot of people
insist on keeping open garage cans in kitchens and then get mad at the
dog when it gets food out or out of boredom drags it through the house.
Instead of getting a can with a good secure lock on it or putting it
covered in a pantry or laundry room or in a lower cabinet. I had to get
a baby lock for a cabinet door once because that was where I kept the
garbage. Instead of yelling at my dog I set my dog up for success.<br />
<br />
Our dogs learn so much when we teach and reward instead of punish and
reward. Trying to figure out how to get ahead of a bad behavior and
train or teach your dog what it needs to do to get lots of positive
attention is the challenge and the difference between conditioning a dog
to respond to your attention getting behavior and you developing a
teamwork relationship that is actually a two way communication that
enriches all of your lives. Chelsie got over her fear and looked
at that kitchen like a fantastic gateway to outside and long walks and
treats and when I was cooking she would join the others and lay just
outside of the kitchen waiting for something yummy to happen. Oh and
with proper Vet care her terrible ear infection cleared up and she could
hear again. It took some time before she got better so I trained her by tapping my foot on
the ground twice, an attention getting behavior, and giving her a hand
signal. Both of these love bugs were fully trained and went into
terrific homes.<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-69153846954278029372015-02-09T10:58:00.002-08:002015-02-11T09:32:12.785-08:00I'll Stand By YouThere is an icy patch between my back porch and the garage. I say, "Coco I need you." She comes running to me, absolutely exuberant. Usually, I put her vest on before we go outside and I say, "One step girl." And then we carefully go outside. When I hold onto the handle of her vest there is no tugging or movement forward. We are one in motion. She leans her body into the side of my leg just enough to give me balance so I don't fall down. Some times I forget to put the vest on Coco and she just waits there for me to take a hold of her back. <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I could put some salt in front of the garage door but the dogs would walk through it and I worry about it getting on their feet.<br />
<br />
I had already put Rider on his tether so he could be outside with us too. Coco and I went into the garage and I emptied the garbage and secured the lid and then opened the garage door. Sun filled the garage and for a second or two I am blinded. Coco knows its coming. I can feel her wrap around the backs of my legs. We have to take the recycle bin and garbage can to the end of the driveway. The driveway has been plowed and salted but it is very cold and there are icy spots that are some times hard to see.<br />
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<br />
I put a snow shovel in the recycling bin and with one hand, push it down the driveway. I hold onto Coco with my other hand. After seven years of living together we instinctively take "one steps" until we have gone to the end of the driveway.
Gently, she leans into the side of my leg to give me support so I don't fall down. We walk back up the driveway and then roll the garbage can down and set it alongside the recycle bin. And then we walk back up to the garage and close the overhead door. Each time my trusty girl is by my side. She never moves an inch without me. Coco's love and focus never waivers. How did I get this lucky... I am so grateful to share life with Coco.<br />
<br />
I was stirred today about something that happened after the accident that left me with a Traumatic Brain Injury. Maybe a couple of years later. I was still in a fog, trying to find my way back to my new life with a TBI. I was driving in the day time to places close to the house and only going in straight lines. I decided I wanted to find out if I could do something all on my own. I went to see a movie called, "The Horse Whisperer". It was during the day and I don't think there was anyone else there. Which was lucky because there were a few times when I watched this movie that I sobbed uncontrollably. That kind of gut crying that shakes your whole body. In the dark there I watched the whole movie. I left, all wobbly, using my cane, blinded by the bright light outside, I made it to my car and sat in it and cried some more. I didn't understand what upset me so. I talked with my neuro-psyche about it. But I didn't feel settled in my mind over it. About a year later I finally finished reading the book. Often crying even then. But I couldn't process it. When the video finally came out I watched it and had the same reaction. I talked with my neuro-psyche and told her I knew there was something going on but I couldn't figure it out. I felt like I needed to face whatever it was but I couldn't sort it all out. She told me to watch the video and stop it whenever I felt that way and write down what happened in the movie. She said she would watch the movie too. So I did and when we met again I gave her my notes.<br />
<br />
After reading them she said I had replaced my self with the horse. As soon as she said this, I knew it was true. The accident and injuries and not being able to trust the doctors or people who were supposed to take care of me; feeling terrified and panicked and alone and unable to understand what happened to me, it all was there. And then the doozy moment came. There was a point in the movie when this troubled horse got loose and ran off. And the trainer went out to the field where the horse was and he waited. He waited all day. He waited until that horse came back to him. And my first thought was, there is no-one who will ever wait for me like that. No-one will ever love me like that. And I grieved over the person I once was and the promise of the person I could be in the future.<br />
<br />
I did eventually get great help and will always be grateful to the Chicago Lighthouse and RIC for their expertise and ability to help me understand what happened to me and how I could make the best out of what remained. Its been twenty years since that car came speeding into our lane and since then I have realized that there have been plenty of people that have waited for and have stood by me. My amazing sister and her family, my precious children and a few dear friends and of course, Coco.<br />
<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-30658241193679987872015-01-11T07:35:00.001-08:002015-06-16T06:37:28.633-07:00Je Suis Charlie<br />
I am so grateful to see that the French are making a joyous stand
for freedom of speech and freedom of religion and most importantly,
standing against hatred and violence and fear, peacefully. I have never
been more proud of humanity than at this very moment.<br />
<br />
Vive la France!!! Je suis Charlie!!!<br />
<br />
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National Unity March In Paris Draws World Leaders And Crowd Of Millions<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-19463707009164729662015-01-06T09:41:00.002-08:002015-01-07T10:04:02.173-08:00Polar Vortex? No Problem!<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Built Akita Strong - Coco is loving this cold weather!</span></h2>
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It always gives me such a kick to watch Coco just enjoying our coldest days.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/biiPGEMeryc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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A puddle? Not so much. </div>
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She gets a look on her face when a puddle is in her path is like, seriously? </div>
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That would be uncivilized.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-37001379482916047682015-01-03T13:38:00.000-08:002015-01-07T20:03:29.262-08:00You Don't Know What You Don't Know<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">You don’t know </span></b></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">What you don't know</span></b></b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>
</b></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b></b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>
</b></span>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">By Jenn Weinshenker 12312014</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>
</b></span>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>
</b></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b></b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>
</b></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">some times you don't know what you don't know </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">until you come right face to face</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">sa'mack </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">thumb in the old eyeball</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">with a new belief</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">that contradicts everything you thought was true</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">shit</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">now what</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">yeah so</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I was thinking about that</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">and then it hit me</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When I've made mistakes</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It was because </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I couldn’t see that huge barrel of crazy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">commencing to blast through my life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">toppling over everything </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I thought was absolutely </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> unshakable</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As ludicrous as it may seem</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I just about always resisted change</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: large;">Instead of adjusting my point of view</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I tried to rationalize what happened</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and cram it into my old ways of thinking</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">some times I kept this up for years</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">until finally I was so exhausted</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">from dangling off the edge of nowhere</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I let go</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and faced the facts</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">then I’d beat myself up and holler inside my head</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If only you would have known then</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">what you know now </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">you would have made different choices</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">life would have been so much better </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">but life isn't that way</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">some times </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">you just don't know </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">what you don't know </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I mean I traveled and experienced lots of things </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I lived a self examined life</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I was being mindful of my intentions</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and quick to weed through selfishness </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and self deception</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and I was making some good decisions </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A lot of them were good</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">but man some were like wow </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">what were you thinking </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then I'd climb in the ring again</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Why didn't I see that </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And the valley I'd stumbled through</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">echoed back</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
You were thinking through the lens of your own experience </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Up to that point</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">you didn't know that was a possibility</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">you had no frame of reference for what was about to happen</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Okay then...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I didn't know what I was up against </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I was completely out of the realm of my experience </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I couldn't know what I didn't know</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I couldn’t anticipate or see clearly what was about to happen</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And I couldn’t see beyond it</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">because there was a bend in the road </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">sometimes life is
that way </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">out of nowhere</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">you get clocked up side the head</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">because there is this belief you had</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">that kept tripping you up</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">its like walking into a wall </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">over and over again </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and then one day</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">you see a doorway </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and you move on through it</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I used to think <i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>either</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>or</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">a lot</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But the longer I live </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">the more I think</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">is the connecting word to all of it</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then so much more became clear</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I used to believe this way but now I believe another way </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">maybe both ways are true </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Maybe absolutes are for suckers w</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">ith agendas</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">hmmmm </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">now when I get all crumpled up </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and wish I could have made some different choices</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">or wish I hadn't fought with reality and life so much</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I just tell myself to chill out </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">stop letting unreasonable expectations </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Bum you out</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I mean none of us are born knowing everything</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So you skinned your knees a few times</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You were watching which way you were going</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And your vision was askew</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You couldn’t see what was coming</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So what</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Join the human race</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And just </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Dig the day</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Learn what you can</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Keep living mindfully</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And let go of that lasso</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That ego that keeps insisting</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Perfection exists</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">
</span><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-33888720869904000682014-12-11T18:09:00.000-08:002016-04-15T07:15:19.208-07:00The Bad the Ugly and the Very Very Good<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_548a4d63deca57384176027">
<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
There's
over 5 trillion pieces of plastic floating on the surface of the ocean.
Keep in mind that this is what is floating on the surface. I know
someone who was part of a study being conducted by scientists, and I
learned that climate change and global warming is also happening in the
ocean. All of those tiny bits of plastic that become fine as sand are
reflecting heat from the bottom of the ocean. Heating up the ocean and
changing the currents of water, which also changes the currents of the
air moving on the ground above.<br />
I have been thinking about these
things for much of my life. I always thought that there were huge
currents in space, wavelengths that were too long to measure, that did
not have a beginning or end but that were more like the ocean and that
is what kept planets spinning and wobbling in a steady sort of way. But
waves can change depending on the resistance of what it went through or
had to go around. I called them spatial waves. I just found a post
about them.<br />
People think that just because nobody sees you
polluting the planet or just because it happens underground or in the
ocean that is never happened. But traces of the truth are everywhere.
All throughout our human history. And here we are. The resources we have
are precious, the are finite and they are worth a lot more than money
or power.<br />
Ever heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face?
Its an old expression. Well, we are dumping crap into the ocean, into
the air, into the ground, into the aqua fir, piercing through that tiny
OZone layer every time we go out into outer space and people remain
oblivious. If I don't see it, it never happened. If I'm not caught, I
didn't do it instead of just figuring out what the next right thing is
to do and then doing it. But we'd rather kill each other with war and
toxic poisons and bullshit then treat each other with respect and taking
good care of our planet, our mother and our father for crying out loud.<br />
<br />
I just did a search on spatial waves.... <br />
<br />
<b>Rock topography causes spatial variation in the wave, current and beach response to sea breeze activity</b><br />
<b> Abstract</b><br />
We hypothesized that beach profiles that are perched on natural rock
structures would be better protected from waves and currents than
profiles that are not fronted by rock. In southwest Western Australia
many beaches, such as at Yanchep, are perched on Quaternary limestone.
Yanchep Lagoon is fronted by a low-crested limestone reef that partially
encloses a coastal lagoon. The spatial variation of waves and currents
around the rock structures were quantified during the sea breeze cycle
at locations: (1) offshore; (2) 20 m seaward of the reef; (3) inside the
lagoon; and (4) in the surf zone. The spatial variation in the beach
profile response was measured at two beach profiles: (1) the Exposed
Profile that was not fronted directly seaward by outcropping limestone;
and (2) the Sheltered Profile which was fronted seaward by submerged
limestone at 2 m water depth and that was near the lagoon exit at the
end of the limestone reef. The Sheltered Profile had greater volume
changes during the cycle of the sea breeze whilst the Exposed Profile
recovered more by overnight accretion when wind decreased. The lagoonal
current drove the strong response of the Sheltered Profile and may have
contributed to the lack of overnight recovery of the beach together with
the seaward rock formation impeding onshore sediment transport. The
different direction and speed responses of bottom-currents in the surf
zone fronting the two profiles reflected the local variation in geology,
the influence of the jet exiting the lagoon, and wave refraction around
the reef that was measured with GPS drifters and wave-ray tracing using
XBeach. Major spatial variation in waves, currents and beachface
behavior at this perched beach shows the importance of the local
geological setting.<br />
<br />
Holy Shit! I remember, it had to be a few years after the brain
injury, and I all of the sudden thought about spatial waves, like
currents. I used to love to study Einstein. I started when I was about
12, reading the Theory of Relativity. But I grew to love physics. It
dovetailed with studying Taoism and Yoga. I was intrigued by the
thought that everything was connected. Always and in a continuum. I
couldn't have said what it was bath then but I started drawing these
pictures on the memory board of my refrigerator. I was so excited and
couldn't wait to talk to my kids about it. I started picking up papers
and drawing pictures. Oh man... do you have any idea how exciting this
moment is right now.<br />
See planet does spin and it does wobble. <br />
The closest I could get to why it spins was centrifugal force but then when I realized, this is so cool<br />
I was painting Quiet Desperation in the moonlight on the farm...<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggi5XrO9cHGaE1iJ5wVB53F93cqd-8LoIUOc0c-u6ZWjz7EMCBEkSQ3dxb6lYxR0_MdpABQOTOHSkHLlojUeThYb2tOB3o_fxE7T8yw83Noy42iKsL_zZgoOGgZJXDln3Mb1hGD6hmsqto/s1600/Quiet+Desperation+poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggi5XrO9cHGaE1iJ5wVB53F93cqd-8LoIUOc0c-u6ZWjz7EMCBEkSQ3dxb6lYxR0_MdpABQOTOHSkHLlojUeThYb2tOB3o_fxE7T8yw83Noy42iKsL_zZgoOGgZJXDln3Mb1hGD6hmsqto/s1600/Quiet+Desperation+poster.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I was
looking at the Milky Way and I was thinking... there is no such thing
as empty space. Because even what might contain it becomes a part of
it. So space was more like wave lengths. Like these huge waves that
had a rhythm and motion, just like our speech any living thing has waves
and frequencies... so we are not isolated. I mean, I think feeling
really isolated is what gave me the heart to see it. We were never
alone because we were always connected to everything all of the time.
Being and Becoming.<br />
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<div class="lfloat _ohe">
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<div class="_6ma">
<div class="_6m7">
<span class="_3m6-">Over
five trillion pieces of plastic are floating in our oceans says most
comprehensive study to date on plastic pollution around the world</span></div>
<div class="_59tj">
<div class="_6lz _6mb ellipsis">
<span class="_3m6-">theguardian.com<span class="phm">|</span>By Oliver Milman</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-"><br /></span>
<span class="_3m6-">And then there is hope. I wonder what the labels are on these plastic items. Where are they coming from? Cruise ships? From garbage freights? It would be good if we could be informed about the sources of this garbage.</span></div>
<div class="_6lz _6mb ellipsis">
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<div class="_6lz _6mb ellipsis">
<span class="_3m6-"><br /></span>
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<h1 class="article__title article__title--single" itemtype="name">
<span class="_3m6-">
19-year-old inventor finds way to clean up the world’s oceans in under 5 years time</span></h1>
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<div class="article__author-name">
<span class="_3m6-"><a href="http://themindunleashed.org/author/tmuorg" rel="author" title="Posts by The Mind Unleashed">The Mind Unleashed</a></span></div>
<span class="_3m6-"><time class="article__time" datetime="2013-09-11T05:43:00+00:00"> on 11 September, 2013 at 05:43</time>
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<span class="_3m6-"><a class="image-wrap" href="http://themindunleashed.org/2013/09/19-year-old-inventor-finds-way-to-clean.html" style="padding-top: 56.25%;">
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<span class="_3m6-">By: <a href="http://vr-zone.com/articles/author/jack-taylor" style="color: #34b6d1;">Jack Taylor</a>, Guest</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">Previously the idea of cleaning up the world’s oceans with their vast
accumulations of disposed plastic material was considered an
impossibility. Now a 19-year-old inventor says he and his foundation has
a way to clean up the world’s oceans, and not only does he say we can
do it, but that we can do it in five years time and produce a profit
from it.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">It is called the ‘Great Pacific Garbage Patch’ or sometimes the “Pacific Trash Vortex”, and it is a <a href="http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/05/09/11612593-study-plastic-in-great-pacific-garbage-patch-increases-100-fold" style="color: #34b6d1;" target="_blank">massive collection of plastic</a> particles
accumulating in the Pacific. Other oceans have their own collections
of plastic wastes as well; furthermore, most of the debris in our oceans
are plastic materials that accounts for approximately 90% of all the
waste debris.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">Scientists have considered all manner of ways how the debris could be retrieved but there was no clear answer for it.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">Now a <a href="http://www.boyanslat.com/" style="color: #34b6d1;" target="_blank">19-year-old inventor by the name of Boyan Slat</a> says
we can remove nearly 20 billion tons of plastic waste with his concept
he calls an ocean cleanup array. It is made from a massive series of
floating booms and processing platforms that gradually suck in the
floating plastic like a giant funnel.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">The angle with how the array is set up allows all of the plastic to
go to where the platforms processing centers are floating. At the
platform processing area it would separate the naturally occurring life
such as plankton an only keep the plastic materials to be recycled.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-"><img alt="plastic pollution indian patch 19 year old inventor finds way to clean up the worlds oceans in under 5 years time" class="aligncenter" src="http://themindunleashed.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/plastic-pollution-indian-patch.jpg" height="209" title="19 year old inventor finds way to clean up the worlds oceans in under 5 years time" width="400" />
What is most impressive about the array is that once it goes
operational it would clean up the oceans in only 5 years time! He also
makes a point in saying that due to the vastness of our oceans most do
not know how badly polluted the oceans really are.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">“One of the problems with preventive work is that there isn’t any
imagery of these ‘garbage patches’, because the debris is dispersed over
millions of square kilometers,” Slat says on his website. “By placing
our arrays however, it will accumulate along the booms, making it
suddenly possible to actually visualize the <a href="http://inhabitat.com/scripps-study-shows-plastic-in-pacific-garbage-patch-has-increased-100-fold/" style="color: #34b6d1;" target="_blank">oceanic garbage patches</a>. We need to stress the importance of recycling, and reducing our consumption of plastic packaging.”</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">Slat was able to come up with the idea while in school, and so he
wrote a paper on his concept. Once Slat’s paper was published it
immediately caught the attention of many marine experts. His paper won
all manner of prizes, which included the Best Technical Design 2012 from
the Delft University of Technology.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">When he and others realized that the concept would work he took a leap of faith and created a non-profit organization he calls <a href="http://robots.net/article/3556.html" style="color: #34b6d1;" target="_blank">The Ocean Cleanup Foundation.</a>
This group will focus on the goal of developing his invention, raise
funds for it and make it operational as soon as possible. His concept
would save numerous aquatic species of fish and help reduce PCB and DDT
containments affecting all of us. Best of all it operates on the power
of the sun and by the oceans themselves.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">Not only is Slat’s concept self-powered, it would also be very
profitable from the all the recycling, which is estimated in the amount
of 500 million dollars (U.S.) per year.</span><br />
<span class="_3m6-">According to Slat’s website it <i>“would make in fact more money than the plan would cost to execute. In other words; it’s profitable.”</i></span><br />
<span class="_3m6-"><br /></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-83245947729095641642014-12-01T20:27:00.000-08:002014-12-01T20:27:20.927-08:00Its a Wonderful Life<div style="text-align: left;">
I have seen where the need to have green grass about two inches high works out... not so good. People have been contaminating our earth and water with tons of pesticides and GMO fertilizers and grasses just to make a lawn look like a golf course.</div>
<br />
I had an organic farm and when I sold it and moved to be close to my sister I decided that having a lawn did not interest me at all. I started looking at my small but lovely expanse of green and thought, I'm going to start little by little and plant things, organic plants, that feed the birds and squirrels and bugs. I can't wait to post pictures this spring.<br />
<br />
I started creating woven wood sculptures with a vision for how I would break up the lawn and create different layers and levels of interest and then I would gradually change the lawn to a living and self sustaining and just down right good for nature area where animals and birds and squirrels can play and enjoying all of the seasons.<br />
<br />
This past year I met Shawna and was blown away by the beauty and abundance that her determination and love of gardening has created. Shawna has posted this view of her garden and it is beautiful. But her words, her challenge spoke to my heart. It was just too good to keep to myself.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/gkjJg72dT_Q" width="560"></iframe> <br />
<br />
I recycle old T-shirts and towels and use them for cleaning. I don't buy paper towels. I recycle cans and all kinds of plastics and paper. I generate more recycling waste than anything else. And once I get my compost area set up, and I start making my own paper.... I will just about be able to eliminate - garbage. I started by signing up for recycling and told myself, every toilet paper roll I'll put in a plastic bag on the back door. I can do that much. And what became a new habit, a new thing I could do? grew and grew<br />
<br />
Imagine what we could accomplish if as many of us who are capable, did something to turn this wasteful, reckless ship of fools around? Because you know, if we ain'ta rowin' and we ain't a growin' what are we doing that expresses a heart felt appreciation for this amazing planet and this wondrous life? And it is a wondrous life.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-51511950927722524232014-11-25T11:12:00.001-08:002014-11-25T11:12:55.054-08:00Akita Leash Training - The PivotThere is one thing I learned when I was looking to guy a horse for my daughter. Every time we went to go see a man about a horse, that horse was the very best breed of horse you could buy. Along the way, I asked lots of questions. And I realized that actually the best horse we needed for our gravel road and for the trails and woods she would be riding in was... a mule of course! A sweet, big ol' Tennessee Walker mule!<br />
<br />
So when someone asks questions about training, we all share different experiences. We see life through the lens of our own experiences. <br />
<br />
I loved raising my children on our farm. Having the comfort of my farm around me; my Akitas and llamas and donks around me was wonderful. But when the kids were grown and gone and finding their own lives I knew I couldn't take care of the farm and my animals alone. And I couldn't afford to pay anyone to do it. So with the help of my sister, I made the best decision and sold the farm and moved close to my sister. It was the best decision without a doubt.<br />
<br />
Five years after the move my second Akita Bear died and I thought, I'm not going to make it. I started fostering and put my name on the list for a service dog. I knew I couldn't function without one any more. And then someone decided to donate an Akita to me to be my service dog. Wow. Did I have it in me to train one to be a service dog? I started fostering and reading and watching DVDs and asking questions and talking with trainers I met online and getting advice. Coco and I did fine that first year. Socializing her and applying everything I understood from large animal training and the things I had learned prepared me for just about everything. But leash training. I didn't have the strength or understanding to control that. And I use that word intentionally. Because I found out, control was not the issue.<br />
<br />
I was watching a special on wolves and I noticed when they were hunting, and one fell behind or was attacked, the others fell into a formation. A loose formation that created an eventual circle around their prey. And it dawned on me... the leash wasn't my tool to control Coco. It was our link, our pause to a better understanding of what we needed from each other and how we understood life around us. <br />
<br />
I tried every technique to conquer the problem. Every collar. Oh man. I wondered if I had made a great big mistake. And I loved her so much that I just gave myself over to the idea that I wouldn't be doing book tours or art exhibits. My life would be small but I would still write and paint and love my Akita (and don't tell anybody but my dingbat cats too) and accept it. And then I learned that a the vying for control wasn't really a control issue. It was a checking in with me issue and me not getting it. We went through a service dog training school program and it was intense. We were in training for a total of 2 years and 3 months. And it was amazing and hard and some times I didn't know if we'd make it and then we did.<br />
<br />
Then loose dogs attacked us twice in a couple of months and Coco became very dog reactive. Not good for a service dog. With my Traumatic Brain Injury, peripheral blindness and balance issues; it was crucial to my safety that Coco was always alert. Watching for a car in a parking lot instead of a dog could mean life or death for me. It was not a problem that could be compensated for. We had to find a way through it. Again I asked trainers and read more books and tried everything and we got back to where she was, not being dog reactive. But it took about 9 months. And it was hard and my shoulders hurt and I still didn't have it right.<br />
<br />
And then I went to a two collar situation. One that fit comfortably at the base of her neck and a wide one that fit snugly at the top of her neck that was more snug, with a large D-Ring. We refined our walk, with distractions. But the frosting wasn't on the cake until I adopted this little mixed breed lost cause dog, Rider. Who has been a HUGE challenge! When we went on our first walk in the park it became clear that this little guy had never been on a leash. The pulling and constant tugging was really painful. And then it hit me. Actually, after watching videos of blind dogs walking their dog partners. There was no vying and there was no fear. Just gentle trust between them. And that's when I decided to do leash training specifically to address tugging. And I combined my llama and donkey training with leash training. We walked and as soon as I felt a tug in another direction I turned away from it and either stood there or kept walking. Whichever was necessary to keep their focus on me and where we were going. And it worked. If we don't go together then we don't go at all. No lunging. No struggle. No sore shoulders. No aching back. No need for super human strength. Nope. Just we don't move unless we move together.<br />
<br />
Akitas are great thinking, problem solving creatures. They are capable of thinking independently that is truly remarkable. And when we get in sync with each other there is an ability to work as teammates that is unparalleled. <br />
<br />
So all that good stuff being said... when you are facing a challenge with your Akita, there may be, no there will be a variety of techniques people will share that work. And what works for one person, may not be the best approach for another. Keep an open mind and try different techniques until you find those that work for you and your Akita. We don't need to defend our reasons or criticize anyone else because they use different techniques. Its all good. It is all good. <br />
<br />
<br />
Here is a rough video of The Pivot leash technique.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/IQ3eM_1nSy4?list=UUZ-KXHnRP3rgdHcE3nqXG7A" width="560"></iframe>
Alrighty, its time for our walk and it is going to be a pleasure. The sun is out and I've got some great boots so here is to hoping I don't fall on my ars along the way. Have a great day everybody. <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4400582650309035286.post-62631752389622750822014-07-28T07:33:00.003-07:002014-07-28T07:33:36.103-07:00Socializing an Akita<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="uficommentbody">I got some great advice from an
amazing trainer when I got </span><span class="uficommentbody">Coco</span><span class="uficommentbody">. He told me to socialize her with everybody I saw,
everywhere we went. I always told a person </span><span class="uficommentbody">Coco</span><span class="uficommentbody"> was in
training to be a service dog and asked if they would be okay with her
socializing training. I only think people said no 2-3 times. She met
construction workers, postal workers, police, firemen, kids, old people...
everywhere. When </span><span class="uficommentbody">Coco</span><span class="uficommentbody"> was around 1 year old she did something new. We were in
the library the first time it happened. A man who seemed to be living rough was
just walking in our direction and </span><span class="uficommentbody">Coco</span><span class="uficommentbody"> barked at him. It was the first time she did this. I was
surprised by it and I didn't tell her no, because her trusting her own
instincts are imperative with my disability. I'd go into that but the focus of
this is socialization. I did quietly give her a sit hand signal and watch me
and quiet (shhh finger to mouth signal). I brought her attention around to me.
Some time later she did this again, at the library. While I wanted her to cue
me I did not want her to bark at anyone. This time the man approached me and
talked to me. This time I gave </span><span class="uficommentbody">Coco</span><span class="uficommentbody"> a hand signal to sit, to lay down and stay. And I talked
with him. This was the beginning of letting her know that I was going to
determine if we were safe or not. The last time was at the train station in </span><span class="uficommentbody">Chicago</span><span class="uficommentbody">. This time it was a young man and quite frankly, he did
look like he was being clever, up to something. This time I gave </span><span class="uficommentbody">Coco</span><span class="uficommentbody"> the
hand signals and she listened and quietly I told her to watch. And she didn't
take her eyes off of him. But she also didn't bark and while it was clear she
was alert she wasn't being aggressive.</span></div>
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<span class="uficommentbody">I realized I needed to work with
her instincts. Akitas are protective. But to be a service dog she needed to be
able to go everywhere. This was going to be a challenge. I want to say here
that just because our dogs, any dogs, are great with us, great at home and
great with people in general; that does not mean that they will be great with
everybody. When you have a large dog that is capable of putting the hurt on
someone or on another dog; it is your responsibility to to protect your dog
from danger. Just as your dog would protect you from danger. And to keep your
dog leashed when out in a public space is an important way to keep your dog
safe from getting hit by a car or getting into a dog fight or hurting someone.
Our dogs are dogs, they are not people. The deeper their love is for us, the
more protective they become. Add children into the mix and they become even
more protective of them as well. We may look at someone and determine they are
a friend but our dogs determine this by scent and behavior.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="uficommentbody">So I worked with </span><span class="uficommentbody">Coco</span><span class="uficommentbody"> and
incorporated three commands using hand signals. Watch me, two fingers together
drawing her eyes up to mine (began with a treat in it) and I see it (by looking
at what your dog is looking at) and then saying we're safe. The we're safe they
put together when nothing bad happens after you say it. I use this when I
vacuum (and I don't chase them with it!) and then I say I hear it, its loud,
we're safe. I have two commands that I've trained my dogs to listen to when I
feel caution is in order, one is simply watch. The other is a secret.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="uficommentbody">If you do this during your
everyday walks, it is amazing how much your Akitas, your dogs, are able to
learn and understand. This helps you and your dog and </span><span class="uficommentbody">Akita</span><span class="uficommentbody"> to be a reliable companion with good manners wherever you
go. Its a fun type of training and like I said, it is amazing what our bears
can do. Oh and one more thing, we need to watch their body language. If someone
is getting too close, you may see their muzzle get puffy, that's a warning
sign. Step in between and say, my dog is in training and we are working. Thank
you for saying hi but we need to get going. You can be polite but be firm. Its
your dog and your dog's safety and most importantly, and I can't stress this
enough, it is your opportunity to establish with your dog that you are going to
make sure your dog is safe. You are establishing a trusting bond that will
enrich your relationship and last a lifetime.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18079531769461245358noreply@blogger.com0