Friday, December 14, 2018

When You Express Gentleness and Precision

A dear friend enlightened me
though he wasn't there to see it
or maybe
he is

"When you express gentleness and precision in your environment,then real brilliance and power can descend onto that situation. If you try to manufacture that presence out of your ego. it will never happen. You cannot own the power and the magic of this world.  It is always available, but it does not belong to anyone."  In the same way a spiritual feeling can evaporate when we become aware of the breath of consciousness we seek; or a heartfelt prayer dissipating through the mist in a whisp of self-consciousness, 
that  presence you felt with surety a second before
was found vacant in a whisp of self-consciousness.

Life is an intriguing paradox. Be aware. Be awake. Be Kind. Be loving. However, along the way down this road I also needed to learn to be open and self-protective. I needed to read and learn and ask questions and I needed to accept that I will never have all of the answers. I will never know everything.

This quote has been swirling around in my consciousness for the past week. We humans like to hold onto things. Not just material things but other abstract, making life worth living, abstract things. We want to be known for who we are. And we want to be accepted for who we are. We want people to be gracious because we are most assuredly going to stumble. Being near sited can be a bitch.

However, something way cool comes out of all of this living and striving and breathing and seeking peace and understanding those abstract conundrums like why are we here when we are just going to die anyway. I think that is a biggy many of us have staggered over and if we are paying attention, struggle through.

I love this part, "You cannot own the power and the magic of this world. It is always available, but it does not belong to anyone." I remember thinking that part of being spiritually awake meant I would attain a certain understanding of life and hopefully would not make mistakes and I would have a good life. And this is true, but not exactly as I imagined.

I had made plenty of mistakes. I have faltered and lost my way on more than one occasion. I have searched for meaning, for God, for purpose. I have hoped for love and been wounded beyond description or even definition. I have had faith and been so tossed to the depths of despair that I thought I would never know love again. Hope was a pipedream that was there one minute and the next, poof, it was gone.

The lessons, the priceless, wonderful lessons that were culled from all of this have enriched my life immeasurable. Also, not the way I thought they would.

You cannot own the power and the magic of this world. It is always available, but it does not belong to anyone."

After the accident and my brain changed I fell into a deep depression. I kept waking up in the morning and thinking my life would be the way it was and then forget why I was standing in the bathroom. Was I going to brush my teeth. I touched my hair, had I just taken a shower? Did I need to take a shower. And I would glance in the mirror and could not recognize myself. I wanted to throw things at it and break it. And there I was, still the same. And the depression I didn't speak of with my family settled in.

Over the past 24 years science has come a long way. We have all come a long way together. My children are grown and they and their loves, fill my heart with joy everyday. All of the friends I have here, Akita people, artists and folks, have all been a part of this journey. And I remembered something that happened that was truly life changing. The first painting I worked on with my Neuropsychiatrist spoke to me. My therapist encouraged me to find something that would help me to get started. An object in the house would be good. I chose the Menorah. I took it out of our own oak hutch and used that for inspiration. I worked on it a little and it took about a year to paint. I had no idea what it meant. And then one day, I was standing there and a little bit of that wonderful magic gave me an awareness. It really had been the story of my life for the past year.

This is called, "Hope." I painted it while in deep despair. The last thing I felt while I was painting this piece was hope. I wondered what to call it. And then all of the sudden, while standing back and looking at it, an epiphany popped into my consciousness. The candles became smoke stacks. The ground beneath them became burial mounds. An eye appeared in the blue sky and the burning fire became a burning bush, to me. the souls in the mountains were in the land and sea and the earth became this muscular embrace. And all of the sudden I felt hope. A kind of hope I had never understood before. At first I thought, God must have so much faith in us, so much hope in us to keep us alive after all of the damage we had done to all He had created. And then I thought whatever God is to us, whatever the energy or power there is here, in our lives and our history, Hope must certainly be the strongest, most life giving and essential motivations for us to continue. Love and Hope, they are pretty important.

And then it hit me. I could choose to have hope. I could choose to see the good in people. I could choose to have a good and fulfilling life and give whatever I could to my family and hope that would be good enough. And my whole perspective changed. I was looking at life for what I expected to see there. I was just being. And appreciating all of it. The heartache, the ignorance, the ignorance.... yes it deserves to be said at least twice. And I realized something. Regardless, whether people get it or not, care for this planet or not, decide to stop killing each other and destroying the planet or not, I am living today. And I choose to Hope. I choose to Love. I choose to love life. To love nature. To love this day. To love without expectations. I choose to have Hope. I could continue to live in despair. I would take as many breaths I figure. But I thought.... Hope, it is pretty sweet stuff. And I decided to partner up with Hope and Love and keep on truckin. We look around us now and wonder what is going to happen. We don't know but there are times when it looks pretty bad. When we focus on love and hope we begin to feel empowered by all of the possibilities we can share.

Life is good. I hope you have an inspired day.
Oh and Hey Chogyam

beat for beat

This understanding of life is a revelation
all simple

all right here to be seen
all ways
Love with clarity is a powerful thing
it has no end
feathers drifting in the wind speak to me
isn't flight a kick

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